I am not a religious person but more spiritual. I had a rough weekend. On Sunday I had enough. I was dealing with anger, frustration, jealousy and an uncontrollable urge to really do some damage. I am not a physically violent person but I could have done some damage.
I had gotten bad news all the way around, the business isn't doing well financially and I was putting budgets back together, a good friend of mine is going through a divorce and I have been there to listen and support him, my doctor did not have good information for me on Friday. My stress level was over what I was able to handle. I had to be different places for family obligations, the whole picture became overwhelming. I started having chest pains, heart palpitations. It was time for me to slow down. I don't handle stress like I used to. I needed a break. Before I could take a break I ended up on my knees in tears. I really needed a friend that would understand to talk to. I didn't feel there was anyone I could call. I felt like I had when I was suddenly separated after my marriage. Alone and very empty. I felt as though I had fallen into a hole and I could not get out. I needed something.
As I sat in the middle of the floor in tears I made a sudden reach out, I had nothing left to hold onto except my beliefs. I said a prayer. Something I hadn't done in a very long time. I didn't ask for anything I couldn't create for myself but maybe verbalizing it helped.
I asked for the strength to verbalize to my business partner the dire situation the business is in. To be able to reset all the budgets and control where he had run free. So far 4 days later my words have not fallen on deaf ears.
I asked for the strength to support my friend and find positives for him to hold onto. With all he has going on in his life he needed something positive. Today talking to him, many positive things have happened.
The third thing I asked for was to be able to have a certain friend back in my life. Under unusual circumstances that prayer was answered to. I'm not sure how nor do I care. I miss my friend and to have him back in my life would be a good thing.
I sat at my desk at work at 11:19 this morning and came to the realization that what I needed I had done. I don't know if it was my prayers being answered or if I just had the strength in me after some time of being low and it was my way of pulling myself back up. Does it matter?
I am at a point I need to pull out of the melancholy mood that has gripped me this past week. I know what it is stemming from. Mr. Frogman is down to what he and I call the three week count. School is out in 3 weeks and he goes to his dads for the summer. We are down to the time where we will see each other every other weekend for the summer and it becomes very difficult for mom. I am so used to having him with me each and every day that every other weekend is seeming like torture. His dad needs to have time with him too and I know I am being selfish wanting more time with him.
After doing homework this week and getting his projects done. Mr. Frogman and I will go on a much needed bike ride, roller blading session (or more so watch mom fall on her back end session) and spend some quality time together before he leaves. We both know what is coming and he is excited to spend time with his dad and his dad's family, but yet he says he will miss the quiet comforts of home too.
Not sure my point of this post but here it is. I just had to get this out. Whether people understand it or not doesn't matter. I had to get it out of my system.
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