Miss Kasey's World

Not enough time...

2011-03-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

I have to apologize to anyone who has been reading this and I stopped posting. I fell into a time where there didn't seem to be much positive. I couldn't rightly start laying the negative down. Life has been a roller coaster ride that I was not able to slow down or get off of.

I just wanted some normalcy to life in general. I wanted and still want some normalcy to a regular life without having to run into any medical issues. As we go through our day to day challenges as any family does, the little things make a huge difference.

I recently found out a friend of mine has a form of cancer. It has a high success rate or survival rate or both....

When I look at my day to day challenges they are nothing like what a few others have to go through.

Another friend of mine recently was told he needed a lung transplant and possible heart transplant. He underwent a recent heart procedure that has now made the lung transplant an option not necessarily a requirement. Amazing what small things being fixed can do in order to completely change ones life. He can now have a life with his kids and wife. He has the energy to play games and run around.

I have been down the road of having a 50-50 chance of living or not on the operating table and came out on the living side of things. I have seen the dying side of life and really choose to see the living side. There are so many things to be thankful for.

We recently had an incident between my work and my sons school. My work location is located directly behind my youngest sons school. We recently had an incident where a man had robbed a bank took off down the freeway, got off the freeway and headed out on some back roads. He ended up abandoning his vehicle in the school parking lot of where my son was.

There was a swarm of police officers who took over our back parking lot outside of my building and at the bottom of the hill next my sons school. At the time we had no idea what was happening....I had to find out later what was going on. I called the school to ask if they were in lock down of which, I was told yes.

Our company was in lock down as well. We were told not to leave the building. I had to sit and wonder what was happening. Finally reading a news report about what had happened, how do you not wonder if everything is truly okay. Was this person armed and dangerous? What was happening? There was a helicopter overhead. I could only hope that nothing had happened at the school.

When all was said and done my guy called me at the office. Everyone and everything was okay. I was relieved as any parent might be.

Having to be in a position where you don't know and there is only about 500 feet (without the hill) between me and my son. Is a challenge.

I had to give him a huge hug when I got home...and of course tell him I love him. He was so good about everything and explained what they went through at the school. He was so adult about it all. I was so proud of how he explained what happened, what they did and what they had to go through.

After spending part of the weekend now after this incident by myself, the realization that the small things have gotten lost in the shuffle is truly eye opening. Its time to get back to the basics. The house is set up now to do this. There is not a lot of housecleaning to be done. Not a lot of laundry to be done. Now its time to set up a ton of quality time with our troop here...Its time to make the time when we find there is not enough time.

Until next time....

~~Miss Kasey

Thankful....

2009-11-22T21:14:00.001-08:00

As Thanksgiving approaches, I am reminded by a friend of this saying again:

Take pictures, laugh often, forgive freely, & love like you've never been hurt. Life has no guarantees, time outs, or 2nd chances. Live to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance in the rain, hold someone's hand, watch the sun come up, & smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love. Most of all, live in the moment.

After the past two weeks I have encountered up news and down news....I have had friends reach out and offer help beyond what I could accept but find I need to accept. I have found I can't do it alone.

As I was experiencing chest pains, I was talking with Intimidator, who is a very close friend of mine. He asked me if I wanted him to take the kids while I went into the hospital. My response was, "Probably." This was just after a conversation about how I needed to try to ask for help. So right after I told him that...I said, "Yes, I would like for you to take the boys." He was great. He took the boys until Wolfman could pick them up.

I got to the hospital where They told me I had had a heart attack.. I sat thinking to myself that I am too young. There is no way this could happen. The blood test showed the cardiac enzymes high...which is an indicator that someone has had a heart attack or some sort of heart damage.

The ER Doctor came in and explained first was the heart x-ray, if that didn't show them what they wanted then it is a CT Scan, if that doesn't give them an answer then it would be an angiogram. At the sound of that word I almost panicked. That is not a word I want to hear. I have been through it before and will forego that pleasure for as long as I live now.

The Doctor came in after the heart xray....and informed me that we had to do the CT scan. They pumped me full of the dye and ran the tests. The Doctor came in and informed me the CT Scan was clear.....They were about to do an angiogram. This was not good news. I explained to the doctor I had one done in April, how could things have changed that much in less than 6 months?

He stopped and realized exactly what I was telling him. It dawned on me that it truly felt as though he didn't listen to anything I had to say. I was wrong in that. As the doctor went on and finally asked me if I had any questions.

I replied, "Yes, One question." He looked at me ready to take on any question I had.

I looked him in the eyes and asked, "Can you go out of the room and come back in with better news please?" He stopped for a few seconds somewhat stumped, then looked at me and smiled.

The guy who did the EKG came in at least 6 times to do the EKG...I don't plan these things, so when I have to go in I don't plan to wax prior to going into the ER....You would think the guy who places the stickers all over your legs would be willing to line them up so you would get an even hair removal when he pulled all those stickers off instead of leaving splotchy marks that you can't shave due to all the skin irritation. **Sigh**

With the CT Scan the dye they put in you puts a huge strain on the kidneys, the metformin I already take for diabetes also puts a huge strain on the kidneys. It has put such a strain that my kidneys aren't handling it well.

The final news of the night was the fact that they were going to keep me in the hospital overnight. I was petrified of what was to come. It was midnight and the nurse was shooting questions at me about health history and giving me the schedule of events. Listed below is how things happened throughout the night.

Midnight in a room
1:00am Finally asleep
3:00 Had to use the restroom
3:05 Press the nurse button for help
3:15 Press the nurse button (I have to go)
3:30 Realize the nurse button doesn't work (they didn't plug in the bed)
3:40 Stretch to reach the emergency cord in the bathroom (Have to go REALLY bad)
3:45 finally the nurse shows up to unhook cords so I can finally go.
3:55 Back in bed.
4:10 New Nurse change - Taking Vitals
4:40am Morning Blood Draw
5:00am Nurse change - Blood Sugar Check
5:20am Insulin shot
6:00am Blood Sugar Check
6:30am Wolfman came back
7:00am New Technician on duty
7:30am Cardiologist/Dr. Making a decision on next steps
8:00am EKG
8:30am - Technician with the "bathing" supplies
9:30am- Blood Sugar Check

There is no way I am sleeping now.

10:30am Heart Stress Test
11:15am Return from Stress Test

Finally Get released to go home and Blood Sugar Check - Refused the insulin this time around.

After all was said and done what they found out is that I have a severe bacterial infection that is causing my kidneys to shut down. They are not sure where it is from but the battle is antibiotics. On top of that, I am not able to take the metformin, so the blood sugar skyrockets (well not too bad) I am controlling it via diet. So far so good, its a bit on the high side but not over the top. Its a wait and see game. The kidneys are not doing too well but I believe they will bounce back.

Worst case scenario they will put me on dialysis for one day a week to let the kidneys take a break.....and hopefully recover a bit sooner.

You don't realize what things can cause you the most damage.

It's very frustrating.

I am not one to sit and let things get to me or get me down. They are frustrating....I was told recently to let the emotions happen. When I do the emotions lead to anger. I don't have time to feel sorry for myself, to feel bad that this has happened.

This has happened and I can only move forward.

I have a friend. He is a huge inspiration to me. He was hit by a car about a year and a half ago. His attitude and energy is contagious. He has been my inspiration. We have had some similar challenges with different situations and we have been drawn as friends to one another. We both thrive on the other and what we can do instead of what we can't.

He has been amazing and supportive. I have not believed in kindred spirits before until I met this man and his wife and family. Amazing what they have faced and come through only growing that much stronger. Him and I spoke on the phone yesterday as I didn't show up for a cub scout event. He was concerned. I thought he was calling for very different reasons when he said, "I am calling to see how you are. I don't care about anything else." It's moments like this when you know you are surrounded by people who care, listen and want to help not go through the motions of being polite but want to be there.

I am a firm believer in karma....you reap what you sow. I know I have given and will continue to do so....but when its time to receive its time to put the pride away and allow those closest to you in so they can potentially return the kindness that you have given.

That is a tough thing to swallow, but I am learning I need to step back and lean on someone. Believe it or not I can't do it alone. :) Yes I am admitting it.

Rely on those around you....closest to you when you truly need them.

I am a firm believer in the following statement:

"People will come into your life and quickly go; Those that mean the most to you will leave foot prints on your heart forever."

This is such a true statement.

Some food for thought this Thanksgiving.... :)

All the best to you!

Until next time.....

~~Kasey~~

Laugh, Love, Live....

2009-11-08T11:26:00.000-08:00

I am reminded by a friend of this today:

Take pictures, laugh often, forgive freely, & love like you've never been hurt. Life has no guarantees, time outs, or 2nd chances. Live to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you, speak out, dance in the rain, hold someone's hand, watch the sun come up, & smile until your face hurts. Don't be afraid to take chances or fall in love. Most of all, live in the moment.

Funny of the Day....

2009-09-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

We went out to lunch today....Wolfman, Monkey Dude Jr., Kirby and myself. The choice of the day was Denny's....they asked me what I wanted and I had a breakfast meeting at 10 am with Wolfman where I didn't get breakfast and breakfast just sounded good.

We ended up at a table closest to the door. The waiters and waitresses know us there....it's "affordable" for a group of four plus kids eat free....I get one meal I don't have to pay for...however, Monkey Dude Jr. is getting older and eating a lot more. Although that doesn't matter much....

As we sat in the restaurant talking back and forth with the usual kid and teenage banter, Kirby made a comment about how there were several much older people in the restaurant. It is Sunday I told him in a whisper....the older crowd is out for the early bird dinner so they can be home and in bed by 4pm. He laughed and then looked at me and in a very serious voice says.....

"Mom, I don't know why you are whispering, they probably can't hear us anyway." I just started laughing as I looked at the group passing by us with matching walkers...

Amazing the come back.....

Until next time......

~Kasey~

It has been...

2009-08-23T21:40:00.001-07:00

It has been almost a month since I have posted. Its been a challenging month....Monkey Dude Jr Went to camp for 2 weeks. He got a scholarship for the full amount of tuition based on an essay he wrote! He did so good! He loved all 2 weeks away from home...didn't want to write at all. He had a great time....His first words to me were, "I WILL be going back next year!"

Kirby went to Boy Scout Camp in Couer D'Alene, Idaho for a week where his dad picked him up afterwards and they went to Silverwood for the next week.

They all came back for a Whole Day!! Then......

Monkey Dude Jr came back to then go spend a week with grandma and grandpa! Wolfman and Kirby headed out for a week long 50 Mile Kayaking trip. They had their down time the very beginning of the week and then the trip was a huge up and plus....They had a wonderful time! I am still hearing about all the excitement and the rest of the trip!!

I had a week to myself....I spent the week....hmmmmm.....working, picking up friends from the airport, after dog sitting for the past week, having the car towed, getting bad news and more bad news.....and then the boys came home a day early! I was so happy to have them all back just in time for Monkey Dude Jr to turn double digits.....and then school to start!

I am so glad to have them all back! Things are getting back to some sense of normalcy....whatever that might be!!

Things are looking up! One friend is doing the Iron Man in Canada next weekend! One friend is closing on 100 acres in the area right up the street this week!! I am so excited for them!!

I will be rooting for them all as the week progresses!! Things are looking so up for them!

I have gotten 2 fills in the last month in Gus!! Gus is working great for me now...I have had two people tell me I am looking very svelt!! They don't even know one another.....I don't see it yet but I know it's happening!! We will have to see how things go....

One day at a time....one step at a time....one meal at a time!!!

Until next time.....
~Kasey~

Thought I would be more excited....

2009-07-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

Both boys are now off for the next 2 weeks at camp! I thought I would feel more elated..excited...free....and here I am sitting at home missing them already...Its very quiet, I have the stereo on in the background.

The laundry is going, the dishes are done and its just me.

****SIGH**** Now what do I do? :) Only 2 weeks to figure it out....

Until next time....

~Kasey~

What a Small World.....

2009-07-22T20:21:00.001-07:00

I work for a fortune 500 company that employs 2200 plus people in my area. A friend of mine recently divorced started dating a christian man who treats her very well.

She text message me today asking:

Do you know John Smith? (names have been changed to save the innocent or protect the guilty)

I replied, "I don't know John Smith but I know of him. Starting Monday he will be in my department under my manager."

Come to find out this person I will be working with is the best friend of her new boy friend. Amazing how things come full circle. I am not looking at 6 degrees of separation I have had it down to 2-3 degrees of separation. It is pretty amazing the more people you know the smaller the world becomes.

I will be saying hello to "John Smith" on Monday. It will be interesting.

Its amazing how close you are to people who know people you know. What a web we weave and how it intertwines.

Until next time....

~Kasey~

Procrastination....

2009-07-22T19:57:00.000-07:00

It must be a genetic trait. I procrastinate on many things. Kirby does too...but when push come to shove he is ready on time and fully prepared.

We are preparing both Kirby and Monkey Dude Jr and Wolfman for Camp....

My schedule looks something like this...

July 26-Aug 1 Kirby at Camp
Aug 1-Aug 6 Kirby with Dad
Aug 6-9 Kirby Home

July 26-Aug 8 Monkey Dude Jr at Camp
Aug 8 Monkey Dude Jr Home
Aug 9-16 Monkey Dude Jr at his Grandparents

Aug 9-16 Kirby and Wolfman on a 50 mile Kayaking trip.

Aside from Wolman's days off I will have the house to myself for almost 3 weeks. No kids...What will I do with myself? I have no idea.

I will find something....I am so excited the boys come back from camp all excited to be home and they are both realizing that school starts 3 weeks after everyone comes home...

They are starting to wonder where their summer has gone...They have been so busy...

Mom's summer relaxation is about to begin for at least 3 weeks. :)

Its been good so far....We will see what the next week holds.

Until next time....

~Kasey~

Angry, Crazy and then to add insult to injury.....

2009-07-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

I was called in today to have to fire someone on my team. I am not even the manager but had to play acting manager today.....

I had to bring them in, fire them, clean out their work space and escort them with security out the door...To add insult to injury I now have to do her job too!

I am so angry there aren't even words.

I couldnt keep any food down today except water...

The car behind me on my lunch break rear ended me and I went through the security gate...so now he has to pay for that....but no damage to my car.....

Went to a meeting and when I arrived I found out that I was only a week too early....to walk back to my car talking to my exhusband to have a car come around the corner in the parking garage and side swiped me.....I have a huge bruise up my right hip, and a scratch/more so a huge welt up my side by my ribs. I was very lucky had I not stepped back sooner it could have been worse but I was on the phone too and not paying attention. Luckily I was already at the hospital and all is well....nothing broken.

My mom however, freaked and I am glad she was there....I sooooo love my mommy!

There are some positives about today if I try to look at them....

1. I didn't lose my job.
2. I am alive and breathing
3. I was early for something...not late :)
4. I have good friends (Thank you for listening to me whine today)

I am trying to see the positive in today but I think I am going to sleep it off...and wake up happier tomorrow!!

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Happy Birthday My Friend!

2009-07-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

So I now hear 40 is over the hill. I know I am well on my way to that time too...Its right around the corner in fact.

I was at Intimidators birthday party today with his family. I felt right at home, it was very similar to my family get togethers.

Happy Birthday
Intimidator!!

40 is just a number :)

Until next time.....
~Kasey~

Update....Copied from My Journey Blog....

2009-07-18T21:25:00.000-07:00

Weigh Ins!!

March 31, 2009 306 pounds - 1st surgical visit

May 28, 2009 296 pounds - Gall Bladder Surgery

June 11, 2009 292 pounds - Lap Band Surgery

June 30, 2009 279 pounds - 1st surgical follow up

July 18, 2009 270 Pounds - At home weigh in.

July 24, 2009 Next follow up appointment.

Woohoo!! Total of 36 pounds down!

Until next time...

~Kasey~

So Many Things Have Happened....Let Me Tell You....

May 14th I called the surgical clinic to follow up on my letter to the insurance company to ensure they had received it for approval....On May 21st I followed up with the insurance company for the approval for surgery....

In the process I followed up with my HR Department at work and looked into Short Term Disability benefits for surgery. My manager showed me this....Apparently for short term disability you get up to 4 weeks off paid your first year if you have to be out for medical reasons. I filed the claim and then with the insurance company I found out that I got approved!! I was so excited I could hardly contain myself!!

I immediately called the nurse at the surgical clinic to let her know! Here I was on the brink of having the pain I had been experiencing for weeks gone and to start the journey into my new life!! The nurse told me she would call me back before the end of the day...Every time my phone rang at work I jumped in hopes it would be her.....by noon the next day she hadn't called so I called back to be informed that she would not be back until the following Wednesday, I was told I should be in surgery on Thursday.

I asked to speak to the Surgeons Physicians Assistant....to be told I was not on the schedule for surgery for May 28th and they didn't have the insurance approval. Not to mention that the surgeon would NOT do a gall bladder removal and the lap band surgery at the same time.....

We had been down this road a month before......What the hell!! So I finally told her that I wasn't keeping any food down now and I was supposed to wait another 2 weeks since the surgeon was going to be out of the office the next Thursday (he only does surgeries on Thursdays in the hospital).

They called me on Wednesday and I was in for surgery on Thursday...Luckily my manager understood and told me she didn't want me back to work before the next week was over. They had me in for emergency gall bladder surgery, which later I found out I had 3 gall stones and the gall bladder was "swollen" to a breaking point.

Before the surgery the surgeon came in and personally apologized for the mix up and confusion. They don't get many patients with multiple surgical requirements at one time so I "fell through the cracks" so to speak....

So the morning of May 28th comes...I can't eat or drink....not a problem...My surgery isn't until 2pm. We had scheduling issues, Wolfman had to appear in court for a ticket because he didn't have the insurance card in the truck one night when he was pulled over for a head light being out. Wolfman had to drop me off at the hospital at 11am; just as we were pulling in the hospital called. They had a few cancellations and could I come in earlier? I laughed and said yes, I was just getting out of the truck at the hospital I would be right up.

I was in pre-surgery at 11:30 waiting....I was nervous and alone. Surgery always bothered me since my first heart procedure. About an hour in a familiar face appeared around the curtain! Wolfman had gone into the courthouse explained what was going on....they dismissed his ticket and he headed back to the hospital. What a guy!! And here I thought I was going to be alone....He surely did not let me down.

The surgeon came in....explained what was going to happen....then the anasthesiologist came in....he told me they were going to give me something to like them more than I really should....after surgery I figured out why he said it.

They then pushed me towards the operating room, I remember going thru the doors down a hall around the corner, another corner then the doors opening and then I was waking up in recovery. I was told by the nurse that usually people don't last to the second set of doors. I woke up with incision pain but no pain from where the gall bladder had been....Finally the pain was gone....

I was able to go home within the hour. By 4pm that day I was grocery shopping and headed home. I was told that after 2 days I could eat anything I wanted....and all the recovery information.....

However, there was a catch......there was an issue during surgery that they could not repair due to I was already coming out of the good drug stupor. They had an issue with 2 of the incisions and it was creating a hernia. Over the next week I would figure out how bad it truly was. But they could not operate again due to I had just come out of surgery....They scheduled me for surgery again on June 11, 2009 for the lap band and the hernia repair due to that was the soonest the surgeon would be back in for surgery again, plus he did not want to put me under again for at least 2 weeks to give my body some time to heal from the gall bladder surgery.

I was not upset (until later) with the complications. The surgeon had relieved the pain I had been experiencing since March. I was happy.....

On June 11th I was the first person scheduled for surgery that day....I was excited the beginning of my journey was about to begin. I had researched and found that I thought I was prepared for the six weeks of bandster hell. I will get to that a little more later....Its a tough six weeks (I am currently at week 5 as of today).

I was at the hospital at 6;30am and scheduled for surgery at 8:30 am. My surgeon was assisting on another surgery and ended up in that surgery until 11:30am. My only thought was that if that was me I would want him taking his time for me too...so I was not worried about it....He came out to talk to me and I asked him if he wanted to take a few more minutes for a cup of coffee just so he was more alert during my surgery....He laughed and said, "No I am good...he seemed excited for me....Let's go get your new life started." I was shocked he remembered that comment. It was a comment I made 2 years ago when I had met him for the first time in a support group meeting.

When I came out of surgery.....Holy Hell!!! The pain was so bad when I was waking up.....The nurse looked at me and asked what the level of pain was....I looked at him and had tears running down my face and told him it was over 10...Even in child birth I did not experience pain like that....It was so severe when they asked me to sit up I could not....As time went on I was able to sit up....

Come to find out the surgeon used 2 of the same incisions he had used for my gall bladder surgery and had 4 other incisions too...The majority of the pain came from the band itself being wrapped around my stomach. It took 2-3 hrs this time in recovery and then I was headed home.

Home Day1:

Not being alone...I had a rotation of people in and out to "babysit" me so that if there were any complications I had help. All was good...

Day 2: Can't sleep on my side or stomach leaving sleeping on my back....I don't sleep on my back at all....Trust me you learn to do this very quickly.

I still had friends coming by about every 2 hours to keep an eye on me so nothing would happen. I have wonderful friends!

Day3: Things were better...I wasn't able to do much...and in alot of pain.....

Day 4: Extreme pain....new pain that was not there the day before.....

Day 5: Called the surgical clinic due to extreme pain -- Had an appointment to go in in 2 days..(Tuesday).

Day 7: Appointment time-

The surgeon came in and asked why I was in for a visit so soon after surgery....We talked for a bit and he pin pointed the pain and asked me if I had been taking the pain medication I went home with. I explained I could not take it due to that it made me loopy around the kids and that wasn't safe for them.

He chuckled and said, "We are going to mix you an over the counter cocktail. The pain you are experiencing is normal. Keep in mind in the last 2 weeks you have had 3 major surgeries. Your body is trying to heal."

He sent me home with a heavenly mixture of over the counter meds mixture and things changed quite a bit....I did take the good pills at night so I could sleep good with no pain then sleeping on my back would not be so bad.

We had our life challenges too with all of this....My surgery was on June 11th and we had to move on June 20th. What timing!

Week 2 I was moved from a clear liquid diet to a soup diet only...Not clear soups only but other soups with no chunks....I was not always hungry but had to get in my protein in daily.

Week 3: I was moved to soft mush foods mixed with soup....and this continued to week 4...

Week 3 was tough..It was a learning time to find out how much I could eat without over doing it. Learning how much I could eat before I was over full and in pain was the challenge. This has been a challenge since but gets easier over the course of time as you learn what you can and can't do, what you can and can't eat. Have to drink the water, sip, sip, sip....chew, chew, chew.

Week 4: I was moved to soft foods....This was a huge challenge...the confusing thing is how does your body know what is or is not going to stay down. I found out what productive burping is during this week. One food you could eat one day you might not be able to keep down the next. You don't want to take a sip of water if you feel like something is stuck. What is funny if the bite is too big, your body lets you know....If my body isn't going to keep it down I have very clear signs. Again...the water....sip, sip, sip.....chew, chew, chew.....

Week 5: I have been moved to almost all foods depending on if I could hold it down or not....I have spent 2 days not keeping anything down. My body did not want anything no matter how hungry I was. I sipped water and relaxed.

I am headed into week 6...I am headed for my first fill this next week due to I can eat some stuff but not others....I found the perfect filling meal! I was able to eat 2 boiled eggs and a nectarine. I was so full....and it was so satisfying....It was the most perfect thing in the past weeks. I can't explain it.

I was asked by someone the other day if I regretted my decision. I would say yes, but I am not through my recooperation fully. I have dropped over 20 pounds since my day of surgery and things are getting better each day. I still have trouble overall as I redefine my relationship with food.

So far my journey has been positive. It has been frought with challenges along the way. I don't believe I am alone in this, I know many others have experienced the same thing.

One day at a time...One step at a time. ..

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Right Hand....Left Hand....

So, I now have my psychological evaluation scheduled with an "in network" doctor. Things could not have gone easier, at least with that small portion. The Doctor I talked to, I will refer to him as Dr. Bill, was a very calm and peaceful man.

After having a nurse tell me from the surgical clinic that they had already submitted my preapproval letter, the other nurse told me, "No, the letter is sitting here on my desk." They won't submit it until they receive all the documentation. So I explained, "My frustration here in lies, that the communication stinks. You tell me no it happens like this and the other nurse tells me yes its already been done....Will the right hand please speak to the left and get on the same page!!" I know she didn't like that too much and as I continued to explain, "I am putting my life in your hands and if this is what you do when your not in surgery I would really hate to see what you do when you are.....I hope this is not indicative of what the surgeon does too? or I might have to reconsider my options." She really didn't know what to say. They have messed up with me...I know they are human but this is ridiculous.

After hanging up the phone with her I ran out to my follow up cardiologist visit to find out some good information but not good information. <> I dont remember the name but the term heart disease I remember very clearly. I am now on an Ace Inhibitor to protect my kidneys. It is absolutely amazing what happens to your organs if you have diabetes. Things clog up or shut down. The human heart in a normal person has what they call a 65% or better blood pumping capacity meaning your heart will fill up 65% or more before it beats a beat. Mine is at 55% which is very concerning. So on another medication to keep going.

After that appointment I got to take all the documentation one floor up to the surgical clinic. hand that over for the file and head to my regular doctor.

I have to be on cholesterol medication, another medication to lower blood sugar since the metformin isn't doing the full job and I am maxed out as far as dosage goes. And of course we know what that "stuff" causes. If you don't ask and I will post it.

So I have my cocktail of pills in the morning and another cocktail at bedtime.

Oh Lucky Me!! (NOT)

Until there is resolution to the weight issues I will continue to progress with health problems. I am so determined to get this under control and get off all the medications...except one that I will probably be on the rest of my life....but I can handle one pill a day....I can't handle the 12.

One day....One day....Waiting patiently for that too happen.

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Rough Day...

Today overall has been a pretty rough day.

I was up at 5am to get hold of the "Behavioral Health" side of my insurance to get an approval code to have a psychological evaluation. I suppose if you can handle being treated as though you are someone calling in with an addiction to drugs or suicidal this would be necessary.

I would think they would have gotten it if I didn't have to talk to 3 different people in the process and explain to each one why I was calling. I would think that if someone is calling in regarding bariatric surgery and they are taking the steps to improve their life then you wouldn't have to ask them if they are having thoughts of suicide...I know they get those calls...but honestly...How many times do you need to ask if I am thinking of harming myself.

Anyway, I finally got the authorization code only to call the Dr.'s office to have them ask me what the units are for. After 45 minutes on the phone to get the code...now she wants to know what the units are for? Hell if I know...I was on the phone before the coffee was made. You didn't ask me that yesterday when we talked for 30 minutes....Mind you she is very blunt and gruff there was very little of someone who was personable...This is the Doctors wife so there is not much I can do....I have talked to the Doctor and I really did like him.

**Sigh**

Now I am thinking I am going to have to call them back to find out...Luckily she piped up and said, "I will call them and find out. Insurance is sticky, you probably want to leave it to someone who understands." I asked her then, "Are you purposely trying to upset me?" She said, "No." I told her, "You might want to be careful with your statements. I can probably tell you about insurance and what code numbers you need to use for this. I don't appreciate your assumptions that I don't know or understand. Maybe some people don't but I don't want to be lumped in with them." Within the hour I called her back to let her know what the units were for. She didn't have to make that phone call. I think we had a good understanding at that point.

One thing after another. I have been trying to reach the surgical clinic to see if they have sent the letter to my insurance for predetermination for surgery. There are 2 nurses who work with this surgeon, one of the nurses told me over the phone, "I sent your letter out the same day as your appointment." Then I am told by the second nurse, " Oh we don't send out that letter until you have had your psychological assessment appointment." Egads! Will the right hand please talk to the left?!?!?!?

So now I have to find out if they even sent my letter off. No one at this time can confirm.

The more stressed I get the more pain I am in. The gall bladder is acting up and I am tired. Its been a long day....You know how that goes...

Time for kids, homework, dinner, boy scouts and much more.....I am starting to wonder if this day is going to end. Good thing we don't have more than 24 hours in a day!

Until next time......

~Kasey~

Monday, May 11, 2009

Follow Up

I took today to make a few phone calls. Trying to get the final information on whether or not my insurance has approved my surgery.

I called the surgical center to find out that the person who handles that is out today. I know I will hear back from her tomorrow when she is back....but doesn't she know I am on pins and needles now? :) I feel like a kid the night before they are supposed to go to Disneyland! Anxious and excited....but the fear of being let down sticks in the back of my mind too.

I am still waiting for the psychologist to get back to me as well. Just one more thing it feels like in the long line of things. Not to mention all the other feelings going through me...the fear, excitement, anxiety, stress and sadness....not sure why....but I know I will figure it out soon enough.

I have started a daily exercise routing that I had before. I am walking about a mile a day...drinking almost a gallon of water a day and it doesn't seem like it's enough I am still thirsty. One day all of this will be under control or gone again. The diabetes is the worst. Watching the diet and making sure my daily water amounts are met. You know if I didn't know any better I would swear I slosh when I walk. :)

In the process of typing this post I have called a second Psychologist in the hopes I might receive a call back soon so I can schedule an appointment. Just a little impatient?....me?.....YES!! :)

Maybe sometime soon. I know I am close to getting to surgery and then the real tough part of things begins! The band is a tool not an easy way out. There is so much more to do with the band than without. I could get onto a soap box here but only if pressed :)

I know what I want, what my goals are....and where I am headed.

What I want...to see my boys graduate high school, college, get married have kids, be a part of my grandchild(ren) lives. If I were to continue down the path I am on....I won't have that opportunity.

My goal is to lose 120 pounds if not a few more and be healthy, be an active participant in life rather than an observer.

Where am I headed? To a new me!

Just the thought makes me smile.

Until next time....

~Kasey~

Sunday, May 10, 2009

As of 05/08/09

As of today....this is where things are at....

I had already completed the nutritionist appointment and psychological evaluation. I have to do them again. The first nutritionist I found only works with one surgeon and won't release my records to the surgeon I have requested nor will she give me a copy....I will deal with that issue later. The psychologist I saw...who was fantastic, did not do a write up of our meetings since I was denied for surgery. He told me when I was ready to let him know and he would send it to the surgeon.

From then until now he had a stroke and is on disability. He can't do anything so I am out of luck. I have to go through the appointments again. These are only minor set backs in regards to the big picture.

My appointments for the nutritionist are scheduled for Wednesday May 13, 2009 and the sooner they get the information to the surgeon the sooner we can schedule surgery. The insurance company already asked for the tentative surgery date. Being that I need to have my gall bladder out and soon....That might expedite paperwork to the surgeon and make things happen a bit faster.

If all works out right I could be having surgery as soon as the first or second week of June 2009. I am keeping my fingers, toes, legs and eyes crossed. One day my time will come...hopefully sooner than later. Its a challenge being a 38 year old mom who can't keep up with my 9 and 14 year old boys. I want that time with them being active....

It's a wait and see game....right now I am waiting to see what happens.

~Kasey~

Angiogram Results...

2009-07-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

I went in on Thursday for an angiogram.....

The results came out very positive....

I was cleared for surgery!! My journey was about to begin!

What great news for the weekend!!!

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

The Journey Began....

2009-07-18T21:16:00.000-07:00

My Journey started back in April of 2007.

It's a long story but if you have time keep on reading. I am mainly posting as I feel after hitting all the road blocks I have come across, and I know I am not the only one and they aren't any different from anyone elses.

I started on my journey by attending 3 different WLS seminars to be able to meet different surgeons and see what the requirements were. Before doing that I contacted my insurance company to see if they cover it. They said no but put me through to another department that indicated if I completed all of these things, it could be appealed and they would probably cover it if certain criteria were met. I had the BMI, I had co morbidities all of which the insurance agreed upon.

I went through the process of getting all my medical records together to show my weight history. Then the health reasons as to why WLS would be beneficial, sleep apnea testing, psychological evaluation, nutritionist appointments, eventually the cardiologist based on something the doctor saw. Then they required a 6 month under doctor supervision diet.

After 9 months of waiting and testing they came back and said no.

They were not going to cover the WLS it was not part of the insurance plan and they didn't know why I was being sent over to this other department. So I went up the ladder. The insurance company ended up reimbursing me for the expenses I paid for all of these appointments that I didn't need based on what their people kept telling me.

Needless to say I was devastated.

I had to back away from everything having to do with weight loss but took the information I needed and took the next 2 years and kept researching and practicing good eating habits.

I went through being depressed and frustrated and angry.....

Now, I work for a company that does cover the WLS. I am in the process of only having to go through 2 more appointments to be able to schedule a surgery date as long as the insurance approves everything, which according to the people I am working with should not be an issue.

I am not sure how I am feeling. Scared possibly some due to, could it happen again that I am in the process of changing my life that it could be thwarted all over again. It was bad enough the first time. I know I am much closer than I was the last time.

I am trying to make these feelings go away as this is something I have wanted for my family, and my health for a very long time. I thought it was fear of the surgery...but I am finding that, that is not the case.

I have been staying on course and trying not to deviate from the goal. There is no guarantee of anything and I think at this point I need a guarantee of sorts.

Anyway....onto something a bit more positive! Even given all the challenges this time around included, My first appointment this time was on April 20th. I could be headed for surgery before the end of June if all works out right..

In a way (Since I have a hard time asking for help) I am reaching out...for some positive thoughts and kind words. I know I am doing what's right for me...I think I am looking for reassurance.

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Sitting, Waiting, Wondering.....

2009-04-20T19:29:00.000-07:00

I recently thought about some seriousness of life; I have so many things I want to do and there is so little time.

Where am I at; at this point in my life I don't know. Call it depression, self pity or whatever you like. I have had to stop and reevaluate what is going on. After what I thought was going to be a routine visit to the cardiologist turned out to be anything but....

I went into a cardiologist appointment this morning....I figured ok..its a standard stress test. They want to make sure everything is okay after a gall bladder attack back in March. Ok..I am thinking it's going to be just like before.....hehehehe....Wow! Was I wrong!

Just like before they hooked up all the wires and electrodes....last time I was in my work out clothes and able to really work out during this stress test. This time around was much different. Even though I walk daily this time I was not able to keep up.

I walked in to start the appointment and I was told I would have to leave everything from the waist up off. Holy Hell!! If that was the case they better not have me running this time, I could knock myself unconscious with "things" hanging loose! The "nurse" hooked up all the electrodes and had me completely "wired!" The sonographer came in and posed me at different angles to get really good pictures of my heart.....nothing like being smeared with something sticky....Not the type of sticky I like. :) Anyway, then came the treadmill. The doctor came in and started it up...then put it onto a huge incline and sped it up.....faster......then faster again.....then one more time a bit faster.....then.....he suddenly turned off the machine had me lay down where they poked and prodded at different angles again with gooey stuff until he finally turned to me and gave me the news.....

I thought the pictures looked pretty stinkin' good...my heart was beating...That was a very good thing. But that's not all there is to it. Along with the heavy breathing came the pain. He showed me where the arteries looked clogged....showed me where the issues were showing to be.

Making me realize that all is not well.

So after leaving that appointment I had to go to another area of the hospital to have a Heightascan done. I don't even know if that is how you spell it. The heightascan is an easy one....
they hook an IV into you pump some fluid into you that your liver has to turn into bile...and then it expands your gall bladder. They then shove some chemical into your IV that makes the gall bladder contract and lo and behold it's supposed to let them know if there is an issue. They tell you that very few people experience anything.....Well, I did experience something and it was painful...What they didn't tell me until I was done was that it was supposed to reproduce the pain I had in the past. It sure did.....which indicates that I have a gall bladder issue...now the question of the hour is will they take out the gall bladder and put in stints at the same time? I doubt it...

However, the hour and a half heightascan appointment allowed me to take a nap...something I don't often get to do in the middle of the day.

Thinking back and thinking through....its the waiting part....waiting for the results....waiting for the damn lab tech to come and take my fasting blood draw at 1:30 in the afternoon so I can finally eat! I had to laugh, after all was said and done I had to visit the lab for a blood draw before leaving the hospital. I handed my paperwork to the front desk person and when he looked at it he laughed and said, "This has to be a fasting blood draw." I turned to him and said, "I have been fasting, I am starving and a diabetic....It's time to take my blood shortly before I pass out and you have to admit me...then I am sure you will take my blood to find out what is wrong." I have never seen a lab tech jump into action so quickly.

I was out of there on my way back to work....

I was doing ok...and then I got a phone call from the hospital....

I needed to schedule an angiogram soon...."Nothing to be worried about, only a concern," the doctor had said to me...However, his nurse told me that he wanted me in first thing on Thursday and it was important to get the appointment scheduled.

Not be worried? I was now downright scared....and here I thought I had time.

This is a good test of whether everything is in order.

Will -- Check
Custody of Kirby -- Check
Personal Belongings -- Check
Saying Goodbye -- Never gonna happen.

I will again be eliminating one word from my vocabulary and that is the word bye...

It is until I see you again....until we meet again....or laters! (Thanks Matt for that one!)

I don't know...self pity....depression....fear....all of the above...or none of the above and just anger? Who knows....

Here I am sitting, waiting and wondering; what is going to happen next....maybe I don't want to know....

Until next time.......

~Kasey~

Life has become absolutely crazy....

2009-04-02T20:57:00.000-07:00

First its getting sick and fighting off pneumonia. Finally at the end of February Sightseer and I were planning a "everyone's healthy" BBQ for March 15th.

March 13th Mother Nature had other plans. Gall Bladder attack put me down for 3 days, what an adventure that was.....from the ambulance taking 26 minutes to get there to being left in a hallway and parade waving to everyone coming by....now to doing all the follow up cause they don't know what's wrong. Everyone has a different opinion.

I have to say though, we are in the process of moving out of this wonderful 4 bedroom house with half an acre and a hot tub to a 3 bedroom house with a small yard. The landlord here decided to give the house back to the bank. We are now on our way.....So with all the packing and cleaning I have to share an incident with Kirby and how truly proud I am of him for keeping his wits about himself under a stress and panic moment. Ok...for me that would be a stress and panic moment. :)

Monday, Kirby was home after school by himself like he is everyday. Keep in mind Kirby is 14 and very responsible. He was working on his laptop when he saw someone pass in front of the living room window across the front porch of the house.

He was able to give a very clear and concise description of this person and exactly what they did while they were outside. He managed to call me after the fact. The only issue at hand is that he should have called 911 instead of mom. He went into a room of the house and hid with the phone. He had a very clever hiding spot too!

After all was said and done he did good....we didn't find who it was but we know that Kirby is prepared for almost anything. He had a plan and did great....we went over emergency procedures again and instead of calling mom first to call the police first. I think he's got it.

I was just so amazed at his very detailed description of the person. When the police went around the neighborhood with a description almost everyone said they saw someone matching that description within the past 2 weeks.

When all is said and done, we are moving our move out date up 2 weeks and moving out sooner. But until then I have full faith in Kirby's ability to keep calm under pressure.
One more step in the process.....

For those that are reading this and don't understand why it's a big deal; Kirby is autistic and we have challenges, schedules we keep and processes to think things through for. What may take you and I a few seconds might take him a minute, a lot of times less. As he gets older it gets easier but yet harder.

His comment of the week, "Guess what mom! I am going to be 15 this year and I will be able to drive."

OMG!!! When did that happen!?!?!?!!?

Until next time....
~Kasey~

Finally!! Feeling so much better....

2009-02-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

Finally things are getting better. This is the first day I have felt like myself in a while. I am finally on the good and more so healthy side of things. Now that my health has turned around its time for some positive changes.

With some changes happening....

I am trying to buy a house. It's been a challenge with one road block after another.

I have to make some big decisions soon. with the landlord putting our house on the market again. He must have it pretty reasonably priced. There have been a lot of people walking through. It's only a matter of time where it doesn't sell or someone buys. For the landlords sake I hope someone buys. So Kirby and Monkey Dude Jr can stay in the same school I hope it doesn't sell.

Now is the time to get into my own home. Now is the time to do what I can as a single parent. Now is the time for a lot of things. I find I continue asking myself, is now truly the time?

Its a big step and its a wait and see thing. I am not afraid of buying a home...Only afraid of the uncertainty it holds for the future.

I am in a good job with a good boss and as long as I continue to work hard, a good future. Some things work out and work out for the best....

But then in the past 2 years that hasn't always been the case.

Do I take the chance and move forward? Or do I wait...Like I have done for so long. My life up to this point has been about waiting. But what I am waiting for I don't know.

Too many thoughts right now.

I came across some paperwork of a conversation I had with a friend of mine in the past. It's truly a shame I didn't see how good a friend he is until now. I doubted some of his choices and actions and after going back and now seeing.... I shouldn't have....I should have been thankful then like I am now of his friendship.

By the way friend....When you read this you will know who you are....Its a matter of time before my FE breaks down and I will need help from you and your TB to tow me home. Hope your still willing and able. I don't think this is too cryptic since you told me how much you truly loved your TB. Hopefully you still love it and it works for you. :) Thanks Intimidator for being a good friend!

I think Kasey has had one -- one too many glasses of wine...and its time for her to sleep....

Have a good night all!!

Until next time......

~Kasey~

Not Up....Not Down...Somewhere Between...

2009-02-12T19:21:00.000-08:00

Still not feeling myself trying to get better....cough...choke...gasp....cough...choke...gasp....and the cycle continues. Tonight its more so...the ears are plugged...the sinus pressure is almost intolerable...and I am sitting here very much in my own little world.

I think I am more so feeling sorry for myself. Well, not sorry for myself but not myself; wishing I had alot more energy..there are so many things I want to do and not enough time and so not enough energy for me to do them.

It didn't help on Tuesday when I answered a call from the landlord that he is going to put the house on the market again. I am now looking for a new place to live. I can't ride my landlords emotional roller coaster ride of financial woes any longer.

It's time for me to walk away....and provide something better and permanent for the family. I don't want to have to wonder if the landlord is going to put the house on the market or raise the rent. I don't want to worry if I put a hole in the wall to run cables or wireless internet (have to love wireless anything!) I want to know where the Christmas decorations are at all times. I want to know I can put a pile of compost (leaves, branches from the last windstorm, yard waste) in a corner of the yard and not have to worry about the grass underneath dying out. I want to have a garden, fruit trees a piece of ground I can call my own and dig a hole -- ok ok not too deep it has a septic system on the property....enough said there.

I was thinking about this last night when a friend called. We haven't talked in a while and it was good to be able to laugh and joke like we always could. I sure miss that. Sightseer called me on Monday to find out how I was doing.....We have set a date!!

Ok...he is dating someone so not that kind of date!

It's the date we are going to celebrate the fact that I am healthy again. I have given this stuff 30 days to depart from the premises. Actually less than that! On March 17th I am going to celebrate the fact that it's gone! Ok...let me look at that date again Actually March 15th!

That's the day I am planning on celebrating being healthy! All of my healthy friends are invited! What to do ....what to do...probably a back yard BBQ, with games for the kids and into the evening movies for the kids, board and card games for the adults and hot tubbing!

Ok so it sounds like it will be a fun night! Something to look forward to when I am healthy again. :) Ok..so things are perking up a bit in my attitude just thinking about being healthy again.

I have to add the daily funny here....As I was in bed the other day Kirby looks at me and asks....

"So how does it feel to feel like a gold fish?" I looked at him funny and asked what he meant...

He explained, "Everytime I walk by your room I look in the door to see if you are ok and resting. I figured maybe you felt like a gold fish in a bowl with everyone staring at you." I chuckled.

He said, "Mom, I know you not feeling good and I really want to make you smile." I smiled and said, "That's easy, just come in and say Hi, I like seeing you."

Throughout the afternoon Monkey Dude Jr and Kirby tried to come up with stunts and skits that would keep me entertained not realizing I truly didn't need it but I was not going to stop them from getting along.

Kirby came in later asking for a snack of a pretzel mix in a clear container. I agreed to let them have a snack and Kirby could not figure out how to get the container open. He reminded me of a squirrel in a campground trying to get to the food through a clear wall. Scratching at the container to no avail saying, "Let me in! Let me in!" ***chink, chink, chink*** "Anybody home, Let me in!"

Now that I think about it I guess you had to be there....it was pretty funny.

Have a good night and stay HEALTHY!!

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Attempting to Get Healthy Be Back Soon!

2009-02-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

Ok...so I go through the entire year without getting sick and I couldn't escape 2008

The diagnosis has come in ~~

I have pneumonia, a sinus infection, and a kidney infection....

I have found stomach muscles I thought I had lost forever! Coughing is a great job for them!

I have a sense of humor about it...or at least my boys seem to think so....When I cough I either choke up a lung or pee my pants. They have to give me a bad time about wearing a diaper...

***Sigh*** the joys of having kids. At least there is something funny to look at at all of this. They need to stop making me laugh so I don't cough....and then I either choke or pee!! Gotta love it! Either way my kids are entertained!

Until next time....during healthier times.....

~Kasey~

Hmmmmmm....Have to find something.....

2009-01-26T20:48:00.001-08:00

As I sit here relaxing for the night I am trying to come up with something to share about our day today. Today seemed so normal although come to think about it, it really wasn't.

The boys, Kirby and Monkey Dude Jr, both finished helping to clean up guy land...and the bathroom; both without incident or accident. You know come to think of it they both got along in the process and didn't fight or argue. That is almost amazing! I am going to try to focus more on the times they don't fight and argue rather than the times they do.....it might make a difference.

Monkey Dude Jr and I put together the dinner menu for the week so when Wolfman called me at work to find out what was for dinner I referred him to Monkey Dude Jr. (MDJ). MDJ was so excited he called me to tell me his dad asked "Him" what was for dinner instead of me. I of course made myself sound excited for him.

I have to remind myself of the innocence of childhood and how the small things mean so much! I told him early on when we planned the menu that he would have to remember what was for dinner so in case anyone asked or I forgot he would know.

I just love the way when I asked him tonight what was for dinner tomorrow, that he puffed up and puffed out his chest, smiled and told me what it was. He was so excited that he remembered and of course you have to make a big deal about it.

The small things that make their day. :)

Kirby didn't have the best of days. He called me at work after school like he usually does and said , "Mom, you need to go online and check my grades." My eyes almost popped out of my head when I saw them. He isn't doing great at all; We will work through it like we usually do and things will come together. Mom has to get a lot more involved in homework time at home.

Its a team effort on our end.

Wolfman is preparing for his weekend. He works Thursday through Monday and has Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. I work typically Monday through Friday so Wolfman and I never see a day off together. It's the sacrifices of having to work what is given in todays market. I am very thankful we have jobs.

Nothing exciting for our day but definitely very lucky!

Until next time.......

~Kasey~

Lazy Sunday...

2009-01-25T20:04:00.000-08:00

Today was a lazy Sunday....

The one thing I am thankful for is that for the first time this week the boys did not fight once all day....up until 6pm.

6pm arrived and it was like two different children took over the behavior of both boys.

Both boys Kirby is 14 and Monkey Dude Jr is 9. So I am sure they annoy each other, I remember those days of having a younger sibling and having them get into my stuff until it absolutely felt like I was going to go crazy.

These two provoke one another in almost a mesmerizing, "I want to beat them both!" dance.

If you are a parent, brother or sister (older or younger) you know exactly what I am talking about.

I guess I can only take what good comes out of all of this. After filling them with home made spaghetti and garlic bread, putting them each in a hot shower and forcing them to agree on the evening activity as a family. They were pretty okay. I am hoping for one and only one 24 hour period where they can get along without a single argument. ***Sigh*** but birthdays and Mothers day only come once a year. Guess it might be too much for them otherwise :)

Oh well, I guess a few hours will have to do for now!

Until next time.....
~Kasey~

Squid Fishing!

2009-01-25T19:56:00.000-08:00

It is that time of year. Squid Fishing!

We went with our Boy Scout Troop and was it cold! We prepared early and had the truck packed and ready with our portable chairs, poles, tackle, extra towels, blankets and the camp stove and all the wonderful stuff to cook up the squid fresh on the pier.

We were on our way. We finally arrive at the pier with the rest of the troop all bundled up! With the snow falling down around us. We set up our lines and started jigging for squid.

As we sat all bundled with hand and foot warmers, winter coats and poles in hand the only thing we could hear besides the wind howling were all the kids saying, "Mom or Dad, it's cold out here. When are we gonna leave?" We sat out in the snow and rain jigging for squid for what must have been a good two hours. Kirby walked up and down the pier and was talking to other scouts. Their success was as good as ours. After 2 hours of no squid we decided it was time to go. Maybe next weekend.

As we left the pier Kirby mumbled, "Squids 1, Humans 0."

Until next time.......

~Kasey~

Humorous but not so Humorous....

2009-01-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

Leo the poor guy was back in the vets office just yesterday. This time around it was to be fixed. He has been attacking Poe and we need that to stop. Poe's turn is coming but they didn't have room for a female kitten. So we have to wait two weeks.

I have to thank the Ferral Cat Project a non profit group that provides low cost spay and neutering to cats that are free roaming or tame. Its low cost and donations are optional. Compared to the vets office it is worth the price and they were great with Leo.

I picked up Leo from the vets office and he was still out of sorts with the aneasthesia he looked like he was drunk. We followed doctors orders with the food and water and keeping him safe until the anesthetic wore off. The poor guy....He was finally realizing that parts were missing.

I want to stop here and apologize to anyone who might find the rest of this offensive or mean. It is not intended that way and we love our cats dearly. We have taken the utmost care to see that they have the best care we can offer.

As Leo came around and started to become more and more active we noticed that he kept following his tail around. I mentioned to the boys that they needed to be careful with Leo when petting him or picking him up.

Kirby having gone through surgery on his private parts always has to have a funny to share....As Leo was following his tail, Kirby realized he may not have been following his tail at all.....

He was looking for parts that were now missing, "Hey where did you go? Which way did you go? You are not where you belong? The fellers are missin'! Help Police! What the hell!?!?!?!"

He is slowly adjusting to the fact that he has been "altered" as the vet would say.

He is very standoffish to me now....I figure since I am the one who took him to the vet...I suppose he could think that I did this to him....Hopefully in time this too will pass.

Its a wait and see thing for now.

Until next time......

~Kasey~

Poe Kitten! Leo Kitten!

2009-01-23T19:43:00.001-08:00

We ended up adopting two new born kittens in August. They are the cutest most loving animals I have been around. They are busy bodies like any young critter but cute fun and lots of work. But well worth it. The top photo is Poe, the bottom Photo is Leo. I would like to thank my good friend Jerry Kindall for taking and sending me these photos.

They are now 5 months old, bigger and alot more playful. Recently they had to be vaccinated. Poe (the female) did fine. Leo (the male) had an anaphylactic reaction to one of the vaccines. After having spent almost $300 on the vet visit I had to take Leo back to the vet to have this reaction taken care of...He wasn't handling it well.

I love my cats and I will do almost anything for them financially....however, when it puts my kids at risk then I have to make a decision. We really didn't have another $200 or more for another vet bill....but off I took Leo into the emergency clinic. They asked me what I wanted them to do for him and how far should they go? I told them I could not go home without our kitten. My family would be devastated. As the vet took Leo back I could just hear the cash register ringing up. I had just opened my check book up to an endless limitless total. Yes I was worried but how do you face your kids if you don't bring the kitten home? I didn't want to have to face that...so I sat in the waiting room and waited....and waited....and waited.....watching pets come in and owners leave in tears...Would I be next having to go home and break the news? How would Poe handle being alone after having Leo around since they were born? When the finally brought Leo out they handed him to me and he cuddled into my arms apparently ready to go. He did not want to be around these strangers any longer. Although his swelling was way down and he looked alot better than he had before.

I have to admit I was in the vet office for 2 hours and Leo and I were the only ones to go home that night while I was there. All the other animals were either put down or the last one had to have emergency surgery because the dog like to eat socks....Poor guy....

Leo has since returned home and is doing very well.

Until the next vet visit.......

~Kasey~

New Full Time Employee....It's Now Official

2009-01-23T19:36:00.000-08:00

It is now official. I am a permanent employee of the company I have been working at for the last 7 months. In todays economic times I feel very lucky to be employed.

With all the rumors and information you hear on the news you can't help but wonder if your job is going to be next. They had a large department meeting last week where they had a huge announcement. As I sat here listening to the Director building up to the announcement wondering if there weren't people in the room about to lose their jobs, they announced their would not be any pay increases.

You could hear the collective "Sigh" from the group. There were a few upset people but, in my opinion, they should be thankful they have a job. This company pays well and has fantastic benefits, for now isnt that enough to be thankful for? I guess having come from being a contractor knowing they could end my contract at any time to having a full time permanent position is a relief but if I had been there for a few years I guess not getting a raise would be upsetting.

After all is said and done its official! I am permanent! I have a job and one I can stay with for some time.

Cheers to the new year and what is to come!

All the best to you this New Year from my family to you!

Until next time......

~Kasey~

Christmas Passed....

2009-01-23T19:09:00.000-08:00

Christmas has come and gone...It was really mixed up for us this year. Between work schedules for Wolfman and myself we didn't get to spend the holiday as a full house. Kirby was with his dad for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, then with me Christmas Afternoon and back to his dad the day after Christmas. With plans with family and stops by friends houses, getting Wolfman to work and doing pick up and drop offs it was a busy day. Kirby and Monkey Dude Jr. agreed to open presents when we were all home as a family. Just like last year Santa visited us later than he did many other families.

Wolfman and I tortured Kirby and Monkey Dude Jr. Kirby wanted a laptop and Monkey Dude Jr wanted a PSP. MDJ has wanted the PSP for the last 2 years and this year we couldn't say no. Do you remember being a kid and wanting something so much it hurt? Kirby didn't expect a laptop for Christmas but that is what he truly wanted. So this year the boys got the one item they wanted and a few small things and that was it....but once they got it, nothing else seemed to matter.

Anyway...back to the torture. Wolfman wrapped each gift for both boys in a layer of brown paper. Then in a layer of garbage bag, then a layer of Christmas wrapping, then another plastic bag, another layer of gift wrap, another paper bag and finally the top layer of Christmas wrap.

Each layer except the final one had several strips of athletic tape around it too so they had to get through that as well. (We use this tape mainly for the ends of the hockey stick when we play street hockey) Its good for keeping us from tearing up the hockey sticks too much.

Each of them is working on getting their gift open. Monkey dude Jr. was fighting and fighting with his....So was Kirby....Kirby finally got smart....He got his pocket knife and tore through it all only to expose a cardboard box that held......drum roll please! Another cardboard box (empty) and an old alarm clock. I send Kirby upstairs for my laptop bag and when he brought it back I started to explain that I was giving him my old laptop and I was eventually getting a new one....He started to stutter he was excited....He was going to have a laptop...when I pulled this new laptop out he looked at me funny and said, "What is that?" I looked at him and smiled held out the new laptop and handed it too him, saying, "Merry Christmas! This is your new laptop."

Here he was thinking he was getting my old one and realized he got a brand new one. He is so efficient with his laptop now and organized...It's amazing...

Monkey Dude Jr. finally borrowed Kirby's knife and could hardly breathe when he got the PSP. He was absolutely thrilled! Of course the gift opening ended with that gift even though there were a few more left...Nothing could have out did that! Although they had to open a few more to get programs and games for their respective devices.

All in all it was fun to see faces that excited!

We had to keep the belief in Santa alive hopefully one more year. The kittens got a stocking too!

Now...Preparing for next year.....

In the middle of our Christmas season it snowed....It rarely snows here! Where we are here we got about 14 inches. Other areas within 10-20 miles got over 2 feet! I went to pick up Kirby from his dad at Kirby's grandparents house...The snow was already 2 feet deep. As I traveled down the back road several cars were stopped ahead. I stopped got out and walked up about 10 cars only to find a large firetruck in the ditch. They closed the road so they could dig it out.

After 30 minutes they got it out and moving....The truck went up the road about 500 feet and got stuck again...So there were about 6 firemen digging it out...AGAIN....

They were right at the road where I needed to go...So I went around them and picked up Kirby as I headed back the fire truck was now turned around going back the way they had come to be stuck in the snow yet again! 3 times in the same 500 foot section of roadway....While we sat waiting for the fire truck to be unstuck the first time I saw a transformer blow right in front of me. It was about 1 and a half the length between telephone poles away...I had never seen one blow up before....I have seen the flashes of light....I didn't believe they let off sparks and flashed and flamed....You know how it is on TV? That's almost exactly how it is in real life. It was absolutely amazing. I thought the guy in the jeep who had purposefully run himself into a snow bank had hit the pole but that was not the case. The snow was too heavy on the lines.

It was truly amazing.......Quite the fireworks show.

Anyway....Enough about Christmas...It was good! I hope yours was good as well!

All the best to you this new year!

Until next time........

~Kasey~

The Holidays!!

2008-12-12T14:40:00.000-08:00

We haven't decorated....

I haven't gone shopping....

Although I have bought one thing. I am not big on spoiling Mr. Frogman....but this year he has wanted one thing and only one thing...I am somewhat obliged to get it for him as its not just a gift but an investment in his future as well. He wanted a laptop...Well that is just what he got.

He gave very convincing arguments as to why he should have it and mom was hooked...Hook Line and Sinker....

So as the days get closer this will be the first year I do last minute shopping and wrapping and cooking and...and ....and....

Wish me luck!!!

Until next time....
~Kasey~

Just Another Day in the Life...

2008-12-12T14:15:00.000-08:00

In the life of what? I have no idea....Just another day as I sit at work reveling in my good news...but thinking....I could be doing so many other things with my time right now. Decorating for Christmas...(no I haven't had time to do that yet). Baking cookies (no I can't eat them but the kids can!). Doing laundry....cleaning the litter boxes....anything but....

Sitting at work (yes getting paid for it) and not being able to do anything because all the systems are down.

Now I have a long story about work and since I have the time right now I think I will tell it.

I have been at this new job for almost 7 months to the day. I work with some really great people here. We have a strong team that seems to be a huge portion of the revenue backbone of the company. The company will remain anonymous. I work in a department of about 20 people. We all have a computer and a small space to work in. There is little to no paper pushing in this job it is specifically all on the computer.

This department is full of acronyms. Which if my kids were ever part of the conversation, they would think all we did was talk "potty" talk all day long. We are contstantly referring to pms, movements, and vomit. They would think we never got anything done....and from some of the notes that are left in the system you would think this was an illegal business. Sometimes notes would include discussing "hors" "dip ass" and whether or not the customer should pay for this service. Of course these notes are typos but it absolutely hilarious to read when words are mispelled or someone fat finger types on their cell phone going too fast and not checking.

I work in a conference room at the moment with 5 other people. One person, lo and behold, I went to high school with. She sits by the door and working our way around the room in a clock wise motion, we then have JW; she has a great sense of humor and is willing to tell it like it is.....then sits yours truly....then Scuba Steve...has the patience of a Saint...then there is the ego maniac....who has to do it better than or can come up a I know of something worse than story than anyone else. It takes all I can do to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying anything. Then there is SC...no not Santa Claus (Sorry kiddos) and she is really quiet but fits right in with the rest of us misfits...so to speak.

In October they had posted a few positions to fill some full time permanent positions, I had applied and the day after the company put on a hiring freeze. So no one was hired. Recently (yesterday) I received an interesting phone call.....I will go into this more in a minute....

Our ego maniac in the room who can't always keep his nose out of any conversation was piping up about how it would be like (my interpretation) "Gods gift" if they hired him...he could do the job better than most people they currently have working and so on and so forth....As he sat and spouted off at the mouth....I had to leave the room.

When I got back to the room I had noticed I had missed a call on my cell phone. I listened to voice mail and had to leave the room again. It was someone from the company HR department. I was excited. The process for getting a job is to schedule an interview. So I called this person back....The conversation went something like this:

HR Person: Hi Kasey, this is (Beep) from HR department.

Kasey: Hi!

HR Person: We recently had a position posted that you applied for; you have been through the interview process in the past with the manager of your department.

Kasey: Yes.

HR Person: The manager has asked me to contact you to see if you are still interested in the job and if so offer you a position (she specified all the details).

Kasey: (Trying not to cry as I have been hoping for a full time opportunity for 7 months). Yes, I will accept the position.

After another minute or so of conversation and instruction from the HR Person we hung up. I had to stop and pinch myself. I wasn't certain, I was shaking with excitement and anticipation. As I pulled myself back together, I walked back into the building, back into the conference room where I work (for now). It took all I had to bite my tongue....

The ego-maniac in the room was still going on and on about how he thought he was the best fit for the position and how he would be doing the best job and so on and so forth....and yada yada yada....You can fill in your own words here.

I just wanted to tell him that I didn't have to go through another interview I had been hired on the spot without one. But I didn't and I won't...Its just not professional. The thought running through my head is one of "Neener Neener Neener" I would do the rhyme with that but....nawwww....I am waiting for the HR department to work their magic and presto....start my new full time position January 5th.

I am so excited...FINALLY ....Medical, Dental, Vision, Long & Short term disability, Vacation time, sick time, kids sick time....and the list goes on and on and on and on.......Incredible.

I am not supposed to tell anyone as of yet....so I am only telling you! Shhhhhhhhhhh!!!

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Current Housing Economics....Friend of Foe

2008-10-15T18:58:00.001-07:00

I am at a point where housing prices are low enough that I can afford to buy a house. I am in a position that I don't want to change schools for Kirby again this year....however, if I get into a house I can create permanent stability for Kirby and Monkeydude Jr. where we have a permanent HOME. Not just a house but a home where we can call it our own....

I have looked at several houses and I am about to make an offer on a house. Its just a matter of time to see what will come of the offers....

I feel for people who have their homes in foreclosure, unfortunately ones loss is my gain....but I hope that the budgets proposed to help the economy will work out....

I am not seeing yet but only time will tell.

Lets see where the chips may fall.....

Until next time....

~Kasey~

Catch Up Posting!

2008-10-15T18:38:00.000-07:00

Time flies when you are having fun or just busy!

The kids have gone back to school....(funny, funny school issues here).

I have gotten another year older.

I have been in my job for 5 months now and hoping to go from being a contract employee to a permanent employee. The opportunity may be sooner than I think...lots of rumors no stated facts.

Wolfman may be back to work in the next few days....We find out tomorrow....for a company that has excellent benefits and good pay!

It has been a rough 3 months of working 50 hours a week and trying to make ends meet at home. Working then coming home to referee the kids, clean the house, help with dinner, make decisions, pay the bills. Does the day ever end? I found it finally does.

This week all overtime was cut and now I am down to only 40 hours a week. Which is where I need to be. Finances will be tight but in the end it will all work out. I found my pillow was really missing me using it. I didn't realize how much I missed my pillow.

Kirby spent the summer with his dad like he does every year and came back ready to be at home and ready to start school again. This is actually pretty funny but not unexpected....

Kirby had to start school in a new school this year. He started the 8th grade and this year the 7th grade students went back to school one day earlier than the 8th and 9th grades. We had an issue with the registrar at his old school, I told her at the end of the year to hold onto his file and I would let her know before school started which school Kirby would be in. When I called her and explained where we had moved to she told me she had already forwarded Kirby's file to "S" jr High. I explained to her that we aren't in the area of "S" we are in the "C" Jr. High area....She proceeded to argue with me and then look up the information and finally say....."You are right, you are in the "C" Jr. High area...not in the "S" area." I responded with, "Isn't that what I just said?" She continued on, " I have already forwarded his file to the "S" Jr. High." I scoffed at this remark when she went on to say, "You can pick up his file there and take it to the "C" Jr. High." I told her that I would inform her before school started as to where his file needs to be....and that SHE could make sure his file was forwarded to the right school....

She tried to tell me it was my responsibility and I quickly set her straight. She finally conceded to ensure that Kirby's file would get to the correct school. I had already been to the new school and registered Kirby and had him all set up to go. Two weeks ago at curriculum night they still did not have his file. Last week when his contact worker contacted me for his IEP they did not have his file. I had to email his file to him.

On the first day of school for 7th graders, I received a call from the school asking if Kirby would be joining them....I said yes he would start on the first day of school for his class. The school then informed me that he was to be at school the first day and they missed him. I told them no, eighth graders start on Wednesday....They told me no...he was a 7th grader and he was to start today (that particular Tuesday). I laughed and said, "I am his mother you would think I would know what grade he is in. He went to "L" Jr. High last year for 7th grade....he is in 8th grade.

Come to find out they had registered him as a 7th grader even though it said 8th grade on his file. They asked me for his previous school and it is within the same district they have to request his file even though, the previous school had sent it to the wrong location.

What a nightmare of rigamaroll....Now a month into school the classes Kirby should be in he is more advanced than their highest level of learning for their most educated student which is about kindergarten level. I finally had to have Kirby mainstreamed in all the classes with an assistant in the room to help take notes so that he will succeed. He seems to be doing very well given the snaffoo's that the district tends to create.

We will see how things go as time goes on.

Until next time....

~Kasey~

Life and 3's....

2008-07-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Ever notice in life things come in three's ? Ever notice the answer to almost any question can be 3. As one of my friends tells me..."The Answer is always 3." Well, to a point he is right....

So far in my life things have happened in threes...and it continues on...

First the landlord decided to put the house we are renting on the Market....It has been a month and there was a flurry of activity....and then nothing...So we sit and wait...and wait...and wait to see what is going to happen next.

Both computers crashed or had huge issues that they were not usable at all.

Then Wolfman lost his job....then finally it all intertwines...he needs the computer to search for a job but can't since they aren't working....then with the house on the market there are many jobs that have to be done which cuts into the time Wolfman can look for work but without a computer he can't access the information and it's limited....Then there is the library...with limited amounts of time on the internet. And so on and so forth. It comes down to a catch 22....a round robin of events that can't be controlled.

So I sit and wait for things to happen since most of everything is out of my control anyway....

I can only imagine all the upheaval that may occur if I have to move in the short amount of time right before school starts so I can keep both boys consistent and without making life more difficult for them than it should be.

Then a week after all of this happens........

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE AGAIN!!!

I know alot of this is all about the not so great things happening right now....but when it comes to Kirby...it does get better and I can't express alot of this to him. He would become upset and agitated....He would get through it all with flying colors I am sure......

So lost and alone is sometimes how it all feels....Take the next breath...the next step.....moving forward one task at a time...Taking things in stride...

Back to All Hell Breaking Loose.....

My ex husband and I have been divorced for over 5 years...We have separated everything except our business that we have had for 10 years. He hired a bookkeeper whom I thought was doing all of the book work for the business....She wasn't doing squat!!! She did the payroll and that was about it.

The payroll taxes had not been paid since 2001 so now he is paying the price. The IRS is latching onto things and of course he doesn't currently have the money to make it up so they put a lien on the property and house he is living in and on the business...

What to do.....What to do....they have frozen an account that is in both our names...its the account he deposits his child support in (when he actually pays) and I move it out.

Oh well....we will see what happens.

Now for the Good News......

Kirby is at Boy Scout camp this week for the 3rd summer in a row...I keep getting messages from camp. Wolfman text messages me each day with a very short and sweet update. Because since Wolfman is out of work I volunteered him to go up to scout camp with 7 other adults and 37 boys from our boy scout troop. Lucky him....They are having a great time! Both of them involved and learning new things...helping to build a new bridge that leads to their camp....and working on all the merit badges....We will see how many Kirby gets complete by the time he comes home. He was so excited...

Then so was Wolfman....I couldn't figure out who was more excited. The boy or the adult.

They are having a great time and I am at home enjoying what is supposed to be quiet time.

Wolfman and Kirby are off at camp! Talk about having fun! Monkey Dude Jr is at his grandparents house for the week. Lil' Sister is out at a friends for the week....Which leaves me at home by myself...Between work and home that is all I have!

However.......

My brother and his wife are in town so they come and go....Which I don't mind at all...

My friend Redneck Woman comes over each day and I really enjoy her company...One of the few people I can talk to without judgment. She is also my kick in the back end when I need it...But its so nice and refreshing to have someone say, "Tough," or "Too bad," or "Wahhh." Grow up....

She is the one friend that if we went out and had fun and got into mischief....instead of calling her for help to get me out of a situation she would be the one sitting next to me saying, "Damn, that was fun!"

Love you Redneck Woman!!!

Not all is bad just tiring....Time to find the pillow and get some sleep before I have to be up at 5am and start my day all over again.

Have a good night, keep smiling, Chin Up! No matter what direction things take....It will always get better....

Cause.....

It's All Good!!!

Take care!

' Til Next Time

~Kasey~

New Job, New Schedule...

2008-06-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

I have been in my new job for a little over a month now...Do I like it? Yes and No.....

Let me explain. I work on a computer doing billing all day long for a fortune 500 company. I work in a room with 11 other people. We each have a small table with a computer and no windows to see outside. In a sense I have moved from one cave to another....In my last job I had no windows and now in this one I don't have any either. Not much of a change. If I had windows I would probably spend more time day dreaming out of them rather than doing my job. :)

Although I have a lot of time throughout the day to think about what I am going to do once I get home. The last thing I want to do is be on the computer. ***Ugh*** to have to stare at a screen longer than I truly have to.

Right now I am putting together the last of my garden. Tomatoes, cucumbers, Strawberries for Kirby and MonkeyDude Jr. I have more than that I just can't remember all that is out there.

So many things to do so little time....

Our landlord offered us a lease to purchase option on the house this week. Unfortunately the house is worth $430K and we just can't afford it. I know the Seattle market is leveling off, and this house is gorgeous and I would really like to have it and all the acreage it is on...but I have to give it up....The landlord is going to try to put it on the market for 90 days and see what happens. If it doesn't sell then we can try again in a year to buy it (see if real estate goes down a bit) or work really hard to come up with a hefty down payment. Right now I am working on a side business besides the one I already own with my ex husband and it should bring in a nice supplemental income for savings for a down payment.

We again will have to wait and see what happens. When I set my mind to something I usually accomplish it and right now I am on the right track and things seem to be going in the positive direction...

Life seems to be a waiting game....Ever notice that?

Right now I am waiting for Kirby to come back from his dad's house for the week so we can spend some much needed quality summer time together....the summer schedule changes...He is with his dad full time and with me every other weekend where as during the school year he is with me full time and with his dad every other weekend....Luckily we get along very well and Kirby gets the best of both of us....

Waiting again! :)

Until next time.....

~Kasey~

Summer is Here!!

2008-06-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

The school year has ended and Summer has finally flooded in! With it finally the temperature is just above 68 degrees! How I wish it was so much warmer!

I know this weekend my wish will come true! It is supposed to get up to 81 Degrees! Now that is finally reaching temperatures I can handle. I will finally thaw and the moss that takes residence on the north side (you can assume any side you want) will finally disappear. The webbing between toes and fingers will finally disappear as we Seattlites finally get the summer we have so been longing for! Ok...Ok...I have so been longing for it, I am not sure about the rest of Seattle but I know I am not the only one looking forward to it.

With the end of the school year came grades....for both Kirby and myself. I am still waiting for his report card in the mail since school got out just a week ago...My grades came in though much higher than I had anticipated. I won't argue with them but I don't think it is a fair evaluation of how I truly did in one class.

Math 3.4
Psychology 3.8
Economics 3.7

All in all not bad at all! However, I know the economics class was graded on a curve, again I am not arguing, but on all of the assignments given I got a 50% or just above on each of them. Having earned a 3.7 in the class I must have been at the high end of the learning curve. Midterm and final I was above a 50% on both but again I must have been at the high end of the curve having earning a 3.7 in the course. The comprehension is what I am most concerned about. I think I am going t0 take some time over the course of the summer and re read the book so I have a head start in the fall.

I know Kirby passed, but still I am anxious as a parent to see how he fared.

It's the waiting game all over again.

~Kasey~

The End is Near....

2008-06-14T23:17:00.001-07:00

It is the end of another school year for both Kirby and myself.

So many things to look at and consider. So many changes to make and move forward.

I have recently taken a new job that has moved my commute from 14 miles one way down to less than a mile a day round trip. It lets me be home with both boys before school to get them on the bus and then I can leave for work. They are both home before 4:30pm and I am home very shortly thereafter.

My first year of college is now over as of tonight. My final test has been completed and I am waiting for grades to be posted now. It is only another week and I can look them up to see how good or bad I have done. I know for math I have accomplished a 3.4 average. For my economics and psychology I am not sure. I know I am in the 3.0 or higher range. It's a wait and see game....

I have also been offered a lease to purchase option on the house we are renting. I want to keep everything consistent for Kirby, however, I don't know if I can afford this house. Right now it is valued at $430,000.

I am moving into some online sales part time to see if I can supplement my income so I can come up with a heavy down payment for a house. I would have to put almost $100K down. I will have to see what I can do with my sales techniques before I can figure out what I can or can't do.

Wish me Luck!!

If you are a book fan check out KaseysCornerBooks on Blogspot I will be posting my inventory of books for sale. I currently have over 700 books and Growing Rapidly....If you have something you want and it's not on our list let me know and I will try to find it for you.

I only deal with hardback books with sleeves in good to excellent condition.

Happy Reading!!

~Kasey~

Almost to the End...

2008-06-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

Almost to the end of the final quarter of the year. I am not sure who is more excited about getting out of school, myself for my quarter to be over, or the boys for their year to be over. So many things have happened in such a short amount of time.

Life's challenges when you end one thing and start another...I recently changed jobs due to financial reasons. I didn't have more than a 23 cent an hour raise in 3 years. Financially with prices of everything rising I couldn't afford to work with the people I enjoyed any longer. Respect for your manager unfortunately doesn't pay the bills.

I found a position that pays much more, but the loss of enjoying who I work with has been great. I am in a corporate position that is surrounded by corporate gossip, back stabbing, underhanded deceitful activities. Amazingly enough I stay out of it. I don't talk about anyone but I am friendly with everyone, I will listen to someone speak but not repeat anything they have said. I won't let the negativity rub off on me, I will keep smiling and saying, "Good Morning, Hello to everyone everyday." Whether I like them or not will not matter; they will never know. Remain quiet and friendly.

With this new position comes new working hours. It makes many things challenging...

Kirby and I have discussed changing schools and moving to a school much closer to home. He isn't really excited to have it happen but he understands the reasons why it may have to happen. With Wolfman's hours changed now, it leaves Kirby standing outside for an hour after school each day at Grandmas and Grandpas house. He has no problem with it but I do. I can't see him doing that each day for the next school year. Especially during the fall and winter months.

**Sigh** Decisions, decisions...trying to do what's right for him and what's right for the good of the whole family.

I think with the new responsibility of taking on the business books again and all that entails, school, the kids activities, home, boy scouts, work and all that life throws out there...I think I am overbooked again. I will take things one day at a time and hope that everything comes through as we go along in our day to day world....

A positive note form Kirby...he is still in love with the same young lady he has been smitten with for the last year and a half and at the age of 13 and a half has asked me if he could ask her out on a date.

**Yikes** Dating already??? Not only that but he is shaving too! Egads!!! Shaving??? He shaved for the first time the other day...only to knick himself and walk out of the bathroom with the standard tp stopper...How do you deal with that? How does it become part of the norm? He is even talking about driving....NOT YET!! Slow down a bit!! I need time to catch up to the fact that he is growing up. :)

Signing off for now....
~Kasey~

Another Day Another Class....

2008-04-09T17:33:00.000-07:00

I am actually early for class tonight which is rare. Usually I am running trying not to be late. The one thing I am sure Kirby would love that I mention here but yet be truly embarrassed about is his comments after talking to the nurse and his barium swallow.

The nurses instructions were pretty specific. Drink lots of water as the barium will constipate you. And be careful not to freak out too much if when you have a bowel movement that it comes out the same color as the barium mix Kirby had to drink.

Kirby's first comment to me as we were leaving the hospital was, "Cool, we will finally get to have the first albino BM sighting!"

It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about since we hadn't discussed the barium or anything for a few minutes as we walked to the car. Amazing the things kids think of when there is no conversation.

There you go Kirby!! Just for you! Love you!!

~Kasey~

UPDATE

2008-04-09T17:25:00.000-07:00

The doctors have run all sorts of tests on Kirby...They had to stop at one point because he had the doctor laughing so hard he couldn't continue. Leave it to Kirby to make what he considers a scary situation funny.

They were performing an Upper GI on him which consists of him fasting for 12 hours before hand and then having him drink a very chalky barium solution and they watch it go down. They are trying to rule out acid reflux. The bed during the Upper GI moves slowly different directions and angles and a very slow speed. Apparently as the bed was moving Kirby grabbed the side rails and very loudly announced, as the bed was moving, that they were really cruising now!! The bed was rotating at a whopping, mach .0000000000000000000000000000005

When the doctor and nurses started laughing he started to exclaim that due to the amount of lead in the walls his flying capabilities, x-ray vision, and his strength were gone! Suddenly he was a normal person and he didn't know what to do with himself.

Luckily for the nurses Kirby and I made an agreement that he was not allowed to complain about the chalky like substance until it was all over. He was, however, allowed to make all the faces he wanted. The punishment for berbally bashing something we already knew he wouldn't like was no playstation for the day.

He didn't like the deal but being the trooper that he has been through all of this he did fantastic. He came out of it feeling pretty good that he a mere 13 year old actually stumped the doctor. He felt pretty smart at that point.

Although we still don't know what is going on with him, we are patiently waiting! I should hear back from the doctors office tomorrow and know more!'

It's still a waiting game :)

~Kasey~

If not one thing...then it's another....

2008-03-29T16:48:00.000-07:00

When all is going well that's when things happen. Life is going along great! No school no nothing....until the other night. Kirby leaves the dinner table long enough to get what I thought was a drink of water because I thought he was choking on something. When he yelled he couldn't breathe and he was in a lot of pain.

I thought he was having a cramp in his chest area and had him relax. Over time the pain went away and he was back to being his annoying humorous self. Without anything further happening he went off to school the next day. I received the call about 11:30am only to find out he was doubled over in the nurses office not able to breathe and in alot of pain again. He was taken directly to the Emergency room only to have the pain and all symptoms gone. After test after test there is nothing they could have told me. With talks with the doctor they can only speculate what is happening.

So now we sit and wait to see if it happens again. Only time will tell what is going on. I only hope that what they are speculating is not the case. It's a sit and wait time period.

Kirby has been a trooper through thick and thin! He has moaned and groaned that he wants to go home but found that the funnier he is the more the cute nurses would come in and talk to him. He changed his attitude pretty quick. Not to mention we talked about what the doctors might do if we pulled the plug on a few of the monitoring machines they had him hooked up to. We laughed about the heart machine coming unplugged and how quickly the doctors would come running for a code blue! Not to mention as he would watch the machine he would try to manipulate it by holding his breath or by tapping on the sensors for the heart machines to make the heart rhythm change. Just to see if they were watching.

What a great sense of humor! It's a wait and see game now. We wait and see what happens.

~Kasey~

Winter 2008 Quarter is over...

2008-03-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

2 down and 3 more to go! I thought this quarter would never end. Statistics and Probability is behind me. I was able to do all of the work but not fully comprehend what I was doing.

I passed with a 2.8 GPA in that class and I can move forward. I managed to pull off another 4.0 in English and I think at least a 3.5 in my last class. I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Next quarter will be much easier than it has been. I only have one class in the classroom and 2 classes online. Luckily I have a very understanding manager who will allow me to do homework on the job when it is slow. Which is what has been happening for the last 6 months given the current mortgage industry situation. I am taking the summer off to really spend most of my time with family and relax to gear up for the fall and push forward through the next set of classes. I should be done by June of next year if not sooner. It depends on what I am going to push off my plate, what is going to have to be put on hold.

I have put my dreams on hold so far and I so want to pursue them. One dream I can almost reach out and touch. It's only a matter of waiting just a little bit longer. I have more of a business plan to put together and a grant proposal to write. Things to really think through and get the whole picture on. It's challenging, creative, scary, frightening and exciting all at the same time. I can see what I want, it's taking that first step out and getting it. I will make it!

~Kasey~

Only one more week...Four More Days

2008-03-16T21:47:00.001-07:00

It's only one more week or four more days until this quarter is over. Four research projects; one 14 pages long, one 5 pages long, one a quarter full of research, and lack of understanding.

Thankfully one of the guys in my statistics and probability class and I understand a form of communication between the two of us. He knew how down I was going into this weekend. He sent me an email that has so far made the end of my quarter more bearable. It looks as though I may not be failing this class after all. In his upbeat attitude he explained the grading process and how our grades are earned. There are still 55 points left to be earned in the quarter. If I get all 55 points (a statistical improbability); I can if I get at least 25 of those points conceivably pass this class with a 2.o average. That is all I need to pass this class and move ahead and not have to look back at this stuff any longer.

I have been working very very hard in order to accomplish that task. Three more long nights of no sleep and then I am completely finished!!

Time to get back to work. Wish me luck!!

~Kasey~

The Countdown to the end of Winter Quarter is on....

2008-03-05T22:18:00.000-08:00

This has been the most challenging quarter I feel I have ever encountered. It has been a challenge to have to be in a classroom 4 nights a week.

Next quarter I am going after online classes. I have one class that I have to be in the classroom for on Monday and Wednesday nights. The rest of my classes are online. I seem to do so much better if I can work through the information myself.

I am sitting with a challenge on my hands. I have a very low grade in one class and I am not certain I am going to pass this course. I need this class to complete my degree and move on. I am thinking I may have to add this class to my next quarter and fight with 20 credits and see what happens. It will take a huge load of my time but I know I could make it happen. I have to. I don't have much choice.

At this point it is going to take a miracle if I am going to pull out even a passing grade in this class. It's a wait and study time period.

On top of the class that is most difficult I have 4 projects due. I have worked on all 4 projects and I am almost done. Its a matter of time management.

It's almost over....Soon...very, very soon.

~Kasey~

College Classes...

2008-02-29T20:23:00.000-08:00

I sat staring at the words on the page like they were a foreign language, wanting to cry, wanting to scream. I had all the information in front of me but I couldn't put anything together to answer any of the questions that were on the page in front of me.

I sat staring, the scream welling up inside of me, wanting to scream but not being able to. I could not put the last 3 weeks of information into a coherent thought of what was to be put down on the page.

Have I made it clear yet that I just didn't get it. The instructor and I had a long talk after class that night and I explained that I just didn't get it. He argued with me. He told me I was one of the few that asked questions, I took great notes, I was involved. I looked at him and said, "without a prod in a direction, I don't get it."

I finally looked at him and said, "I hate to break the news but this is not my life long career. I am a hardcore math person. Give me 1 number and 12 variables and I will solve for each and every variable and give you the answers you are seeking. No questions asked. This Statistics and Probability stuff does not work for me." He laughed and shook his head and made a statement about starting over for the quarter and stopping with the current chapter. He walked away. I have to face that I might have to take this class over again. I have a study group this weekend with part of the students from the math class to make heads or tails of the information.

I sure hope it helps!

Way Too Early

2008-02-20T05:34:00.000-08:00

Why is it that I can work and work to get Kirby out of bed in the morning to go to school. We battle back and forth just to get him moving. He goes on vacation and all of a sudden I am getting 5am morning phone calls. The one time I get to sleep in and not have to leave for the bus stop at 6:30am to start running for my day and Kirby is calling outside his tent in the dark with the wind blowing off the ocean. Our conversation went something like this:

"Hi Mom, **Static**wind blowing into the mic on the phone."

"Hi Buddy! How are you?"

**Static from the wind** "....okay."

"That's great! Are you having a good time?"

"Yeah, it's early here though, is it early there?"

"Well, yeah Kirby it is. It's 5am. What are you doing up at this hour?"

"I couldn't sleep. There's too much noise from the wind and the tarps flapping."

"Kirby I thought you were sleeping in the motorhome?"

"I am but I snuck out, I couldn't sleep and I wanted ***Static***

**IN THE BACKGROUND**

"Kirby...are you out here?"

"Yeah Grandpa I'm here."

"Get back in and go back to sleep."

"Let me say Bye to my mom."

"Hey Mom, I gotta go Grandpa doesn't sound too happy. I love you!"

"I love you too Kirby. See you soon."

**Line Disconnected**

Okay that child needs to learn to sleep in when he is on vacation. :)
I sure do miss that kid...He will be home soon...only a few more days.

~~Kasey~~

Vacation Times Again

2008-02-18T17:49:00.000-08:00

Kirby is with his grandparents this weekend at the ocean! I am so jealous as that's really where I should be right now. Not sure I want to be here. **Sigh** Do you ever get used to your kids being gone? I suppose as he gets older and more independent I will. For now though, I want him to stay my little boy.

They grow so fast. :)

~~Kasey~~

Halfway Point...

2008-02-18T17:41:00.000-08:00

I am now at the halfway point of my second quarter in my college classes. I thought it was going to be much easier to take classes in a classroom than online. I was sorely mistaken. I am so bogged down for time; time to study, time for Kirby, time for my friends and a social life. It is amazing how much time I don't have.

I register for next quarter this week. I am aiming at all online classes again I did so much better scheduling my time than I was able to actually sitting in a classroom.

Probability and Statistics (Math Class)
English 102 (That I found I didn't need but has been a fantastic refresher course).
Multicultural Communications (Tough but very educational).

I don't feel as strongly about how well I am doing in each class, it is a very tough quarter. I only have 5 weeks left 3 projects and the rest of the homework tests and quizzes. Of which I should be studying for now. Hehehehe...Guess I should get back to it.

Have a good night.
~~Kasey~~

Angels

2008-02-18T17:36:00.000-08:00

I was not able to share this with anyone as it has been difficult. I am moving forward in life and the more I write the more I share the more I heal.

This happened a few months ago...

The dreaded phone call this morning.

I am at work trying to make it through my day. I am not someone who usually gets upset or depressed about a lot of things. Today is a different kind of day. I feel like I have lost so much.

knew it was coming. I had a long talk with a friend of mine into the wee hours of the morning. It was like déjà vu all over again. Over the past few months I have been talking with a friend I made at the hospital when I had to be in the hospital for heart problems.

During one of my darkest moments “Annie” appreared in my doorway. When no one else was there she walked in like my guardian angel. There weren’t any lights or music or wings but, you always hear about that one person who shows up when you are at your lowest to pick you up. This was “Annie” for me.

I had been in the hospital having my heart checked and a stint put into my system. This was an overnight stay and I was feeling very alone, tired and weak both physically and emotionally. The doctors didn’t know what was going on. They were saying one thing, and then trying to determine another. Congenital heart disease was a term that kept popping up. I researched it and didn’t like what I was hearing. To me this was not an option.

The doctor admitted me to the hospital so that I could have my heart procedure done first thing in the morning. As I sat in the hospital, feeling very alone and not happy with my doctors final visit to my room that night, I wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. This was one of those times I really had wished I had reached out to my friends for support but I didn’t want to so they wouldn’t worry. It was my own fault and I knew it but after the phone call to my parents and their response to all of this was, “Oh don’t worry, you will be okay. I have to go now I have to take your sister shopping.” That didn’t make me feel all that great. So from that point on I didn’t tell anyone.

As I sat there I started to cry. It was late and I didn’t want to bother anyone by calling that late. I wasn’t allowed visitors I couldn’t eat or drink anything, and I was there. A figure appeared in my doorway. She was petite long brown and gray hair, sparkling green eyes, and a smile that would light up a room. She was wearing those full body pajamas. She looked at me and in a very comforting way introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Annie.” We talked for a few minutes. She explained why she was in the hospital and couldn’t sleep either so she went wandering and noticed my light on and that I was still awake. She didn’t ask why I was crying, she just sat and talked to me about herself and family, why she was in the hospital. As she went on I didn’t feel lonely any longer. She really made me feel better, I knew I wasn’t the only person going through all this “stuff” as I will refer to it.

She had her purse with her and she pulled out pictures of her husband, kids and grandkids! She was so proud. She had a personality that was outstanding. Nothing could get her down. She became my support system for the next year and a half. We talked. She introduced me to her single son, I was invited to family dinners and gatherings. I found I was just as much a support system for her as she was for me. Her heart problems didn’t allow her to be as active as I know she wanted to be. She would get frustrated and sometimes herself break down and cry as she couldn’t do everything she wanted to do. As time went by her health deteriorated. She would call me and talk for hours into the night when she became scared she wouldn’t see the next morning.

She shared hopes and dreams with me. Her husband and her son became close friends with me as well. Her and I would take time on a warm night and sit out under the stars and talk about hopes and dreams. She was always telling me to go after what I wanted. I did and was shot down only to pick up and keep going. She was my inspiration. No matter what everytime I left she always told me she loved me and I knew it, I could feel it.

I asked her how many people from the hospital she spent time with. She didn’t answer. Her husband told me later that I was the only person. She didn’t know what had drawn her into the room to talk to me but I am so glad she took those steps.

She called me one night pretty late and we talked. We talked until the wee hours of the morning. This was not unlike other conversations we have had. She shared with me that she was scared. We talked out her feelings and she was feeling tired so we ended our call. We told each other how much we loved one another and hung up. The word Goodbye is not in our vocabulary.

I got up the next morning feeling very tired as I headed off to work. About 10 am Annie’s husband called me. Annie had passed away quietly in the night. We knew this day was coming and I valued all the time I had spent with her. She was such an inspiration.

I was invited to the memorial service and the graveside burial. I was also asked to sit in on her will reading as she had a very special message for me.

When I walked it the memorial service after helping her husband and son with some of the details, the room was half filled and it was still 20 minutes until the time of the service. Annie’s husband approached me and asked me to sit with the family. Her memorial service was beautiful. The pastor at the end of the prayer for Annie asked if anyone wanted to share or say anything on her behalf. I was asked to say something and I had a few things written down in note form. As I got up to speak Annie’s husband handed me a large stack of notecards that were in Annie’s writing. His comment was, “She wasn’t going to let you off that easy. She wants you to read this first.” Without looking at the cards I searched for my extra hankerchief. I knew I was going to need it. The cards read please read this as it is and have people hear my voice.

Each card was focused on individual people and what they meant to her. She must have had a card for every person in the room. There was not a dry eye in the room. Even my eyes weren’t dry but I didn’t care I could hear her voice and exactly how she would say these things to everyone. Each was a huge positive thought. I had to change my words after and explained how Annie and I met. I explained that she was my “angel”. The one person who could pick you up at the times you were down, when you least expected it. I had a few more experiences to share which had us laughing. She was a great person and will be greatly missed. Others got up to speak but kept it short as “Annie” had already shared so much.

For a few weeks after her passing, I spent time with her husband and son to help out where I could each day. She had so much spirit and tenacity. She was so loved and adored. They are standing strong and doing well.

I miss Annie and her smiles, her contagious laughter her attitude. She is still my inspiration and I know as my angel she is watching over me.

Have a good night!

~~Kasey~~

Would You Believe???

2008-02-11T22:00:00.000-08:00

Kirby was out sick from class last week for two days. Lately (in the past year) when he gets sick, he really gets sick. As he grows his wit and intellect really come out in his sense of humor.

This morning on our way to the bus stop he made a comment, “I really hope my teacher accepts my excuse for being absent.”

I responded with, “Why shouldn’t she?”

He looked at me and smiled his sly smile and said, “The last time I was sick she teased me and said she wasn’t sure if I was really sick.”

I laughed and told him, “So if you weren’t really sick then what reason would you have for actually missing school?”

“I could always tell her that I was attacked by mutant dung flinging flying Monkeys. Maybe she would believe me.” He responded.

I laughed and although that was more creative I suggested he stay with his “being sick” excuse.

I sure wouldn’t want to be attacked by mutant dung flinging flying monkeys…**Shivers** Ewwwwww!

Posted! They are now posted!

2007-12-21T19:18:00.000-08:00

Grades were finally posted. I finally found out that all my worrying, stressing, studying, sweat and tears all paid off. Especially when studying history.

I think I did pretty well, If I can only keep it up.

Math 095 - Intermediate Algebra 4.0
English 101 - Essay Writing 3.9
History 128 - World Civilizations 4.0

Only a 3.95 Cumulative grade...I don't think that is too bad...

Now to only keep it up from here on out. Have to maintain the grade.

All in all it wasn't worth the stress but it was definitely a learning experience taking all the classes online rather than in a classroom.

The Countdown to Christmas is On...

2007-12-08T17:58:00.001-08:00

Only Seventeen Days left Until Christmas.....

So much to do....NOT ENOUGH TIME!!

I will again repost the poem I wrote last year...Again Enjoy!

'TWAS

'Twas 2 nights before Christmas and all through the place,
People were buzzing it looked like a race.

Stockings were hung on the bookshelves with care,
In hopes that St. Nicholas wouldn't leave coal in there.

Kids were playing, arguing and such,
Mom and dad were in a rush, rush, rush.

Getting presents wrapped under the tree with care
Dad trying to keep mom from pulling out her hair.

While cooking dinner there was a loud cladder
I ran outside to see what was the matter.

There on the ground in the cold rain
laid dad on his back in terrible pain.

He fell down making a huge cladder
we found him on the ground next to the fallen ladder.

We rushed over to him to find out if he's okay
"No worries, no worries," we all heard him say.

As he limped across the yard pulling lights behind
We could hear him cry and we could hear him whine.

"These stinking lights, why, why, why?
Oh they need to go up or soon I will cry!"

Cookies and fudge were cooling in the kitchen,
Children were lurking and drooling hoping they were finger licking.

The house was clean the dishes done
Now the whole house was ready for fun!

What do you do 2 nights before christmas?
Unsure of this the boys were restless.

In hopes that Chistmas would come a day sooner
Or they would go crazy could they get any loonier?

Will Santa find us? Will he be here?
Of Course, of coures he will!

He won't forget you or me
Take a good look at our tree!

With everything ready, wrapped, packed and cooked
I settled back with no more time booked.

This holiday seemed busier than most
No longer the director, no longer the host.

After the weary day I layed down to rest
We know the kids all gave their best.

The kids were filled with worry and strife
wondering if they had done everything right.

Just about to doze all snug and warm
Dad tried to turn on the charm.

When I said, "No, I have a headache tonight."
He rolled on over and turned off the light.

"Merry Christmas," he grumbled,
"Merry Christmas, Yeah Right."

Cinderella

2007-12-08T17:55:00.000-08:00

An event that occurred last year and this year reminds me of one of my first English assignment this last quarter. I thought I would share it. You might be able to relate and if not you will get a huge laugh out of it. Enjoy!

Cinderella

It was a cool fall day, as I was running to meet my date for the evening; I was hoping not to tumble like a tall pine tree in the forest. TIMBER! That was the last word I wanted to hear. I was in a rush hoping not to fall off of the two inch heels I had to endure for the evening. I was on my way to attend a semi-formal business event for my company with another business acquaintance of mine who did not want to go alone. Amazing how someone who owns a septic installation and repair company could fully change and attend a formal event. It was so much better than the dirt encrusted, and goodness only knows what else, clothing I had to wear for work.

As I walked hurriedly I thought back to when my whole adventure to get ready for this event began. I was very uncomfortable with the idea of having to go shopping and focus on hair, nails and make up almost like Barbie. “You know, like, wow!” using her princess wave as she walked by. It brought to mind Barbie saying, “B-bye, bye now. B-bye, bye-bye.” Wondering how long she would have to stand in those high heels smiling and having her face hurt if it didn’t fall off and crack first. Or was that what I was hoping would have happened to Barbie since she always seemed so perfect.

Having to think about finding the “right” dress or outfit to wear was a scary thought. A Halloween costume of Frankenstein would work for me for all I cared about dressing up. I wasn’t too keen on the idea of going through the hassle, but I wanted to network with the right people; sometimes I wondered if hobnobbing with this crowd was worth the effort of going through the torture of preparing for the night. I thought about the experience and tried to justify to myself that the whole thing was worth it from the shopping, the shoes, the hair, nails and make up. I had a week to get ready.

I asked my friend Marta for help for this event, “I have a week, it’s plenty of time.” Marta is a fashion designer and cosmetologist. When I told her about the event she screeched in a high pitch squeal that you would only hear on American Idol; the try outs of an out of tune high pitched opera singer. I thought she was going to pass out. I was panicked enough about this event; I didn’t need her panicking as well. Instead she threw her arms around me and hugged me talking unintelligibly. Maybe her words were unintelligible due to the death grip she had on me made me see stars as she cut off the oxygen flow to my brain. Marta wasn’t panicked, she was thrilled. I was going to have to dress up, do my hair and make up. She had been waiting a long time to get her “cosmetological” hands on me. She turned and looked at me, wrung her hands together and smiled; “Now it’s my turn.” In the echo around me I could hear a deep voice maniacally laughing “Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha.”

Marta was just chomping at the bit to get me out shopping. I have never seen someone so ready to run out and spend money. Something she lived for. After careful discussion she and I agreed that she would design and make her masterpiece, the dress I would be wearing for the evening. “Great! I always wanted to act like a mannequin, being poked and prodded like a pin cushion during an annual exam, as someone created their masterpiece.”

Marta’s talents always seemed to be right in line with whatever she did. The many talents of this woman were scary. I could count on her for almost anything. If someone needed a nuclear reactor shut down in minutes in a crisis, there was Marta, and she would do it. I rarely needed her but at a time like this she was worried a week wasn’t going to be enough time. I thought to myself incredulously, “How could a week not be enough time to get a dress, do my hair, make up and go?” I was so looking forward to acting like a mannequin being poked and prodded as someone created their masterpiece.

I realized within the first hour how truly creative Marta is. She uses her creative talents to make others happy or miserable depending on how you looked at it. I had just entered my worst nightmare. Marta was calling me every hour except for when I was at work. If I didn’t know what it was like to be stalked I was finding out. I wonder if she didn’t call my work and hang up to make sure I was there and hadn’t skipped out of town on her. With the way she was acting I was wondering if I didn’t want to be high-tailing it out of town like John Wayne at the end of a movie riding off into the sunset in fast forward where even Miss Kitty didn’t have a chance to come out and yell, “Wait, don’t go!” I think she is still in the background waiting for her cue.

We spent an evening shopping for material. Her idea of elegant was neon bright and polka dot colorful. My idea of elegant wasn’t quite the bright neon pink she seemed to adore. I like looking good, however, being the center of attention by being able to be the replacement disco ball was not my idea of colorful. I prefer the traditional black or calm colors like blue and green or aquamarine. I would rather blend in with the walls or fish tanks than stand out in a crowd. After a bit of no, that’s not going to happen, absolutely not and not on your life we finally agreed on a black satin material with a thin lace cover over in the same pattern. I would be wearing a thin satin floor length black dress with a spider web thin lace over the top. It truly was elegant.

She worked night and day for two days creating her masterpiece. She so wanted things to be perfect. Two days before the event she decided, after looking in my closet, that I didn’t have any shoes to match the dress. My mouth fell open and I looked at her as though she was insane. How many pairs of shoes did one person need? I already, in my opinion, had too many pairs. She looked at me and stammered, “ I can’t believe what I am hearing! Any self respecting woman could never have enough shoes.” I sat and laughed quietly to myself as I didn’t want to offend the queen of chic.

We were out the door to find shoes. We went from store to store having her force me to try on shoes. “One inch, two inch, three inch floor!” I thought to myself, “How in the world do women walk in these things?” She looked at me as though she could read my mind and very sternly said, “You will get used to it. Deal with it!” After going to at least eight different stores we ended up back at the original store buying the one pair I had tried on first. Ugh!! All of that for the first pair I tried on? What’s up with that?

She wanted me to go home and practice walking in them so I wouldn’t stumble all over myself the night of the event. I laughed and agreed; I would have to, I wasn’t accustomed to walking around in two inch high heeled shoes. I wasn’t even sure I was going to be safe. One trip and I was going over like a tree. Maybe at this point life insurance would be a good thing.

Marta gave me a day of reprieve from what I considered to be her malicious endeavors. As the day arrived I was nervous. Marta kept discussing all that we had left to do, as though it was some major construction project. In her mind it was, in my mind I kept thinking, “What is the big deal?” Marta was acting as though she was a Fairy Godmother and she was getting Cinderella ready for the ball. I sat and laughed I didn’t truly realize what she had in mind. I wasn’t prepared. Feeling completely caught off guard as though someone walked into the room while my pants were down, Marta started talking about waxing. I thought at first she was talking to herself. I realized as she tried to approach me with a stick that had a bunch of goo on it that she was talking about me. I sat thinking, “Now what was she going to do with that? It wasn’t going to touch me in any way shape or form. Working in the septic industry having someone approach you with some “brown stuff on a stick” just isn’t right.” I explained this to her and she just started to laugh an evil laugh. At this point I knew I was in trouble. She applied what she needed to my eyebrow and then applied a small square. I knew what she was about to do and I was a bit fearful. I am not one for allowing pain especially when it is happening to me. She suddenly changed the subject and got my attention diverted when all of a sudden she ripped that piece of cloth from my body. Bloody Hell!! She almost had to tie me down. Nothing like having a good patch of hair ripped from your body when you least expect it! There was no way I was going to allow her to do that again. She once again approached me with that stick with the goo on it and told me if she didn’t do it one more time that I would look like the biggest dork on the face of the planet. My thought was that if I looked like a dork I didn’t care I wasn’t going to experience that kind of pain again. After the being shown my face in the mirror and realizing how big of a dork I looked at that moment, I reluctantly let her approach me with more “goo” on a stick. I was cringing when I noticed she was attempting to divert my attention again. I should have let her. It hurt more the second time knowing it was coming. How do women put up with this on a regular basis?

After the waxing that wasn’t supposed to hurt a bit, came the hair and make up. Marta thought that during the time she was doing this she would put on the appropriate movie. Here I thought “Pretty Woman” would be, just from it’s title, the choice. Nope! She put on “Miss Congeniality” where one person goes from Attila the Hun to Miss America. I couldn’t believe that was what she was comparing her version of the transformation to that.

Marta was more excited about this event and to be able to have her way with my hair that I finally sat back to enjoy the manipulations of her hands. She was so excited, I had finally relaxed to let her put the final touches on her “project”. This part wasn’t so bad. All I had to do was sit there as she cut and styled my hair. She was moving so fast Edward Scissorhands would have been put to shame. I watched her closely. I could not believe the difference when she was done. I felt so pretty! She definitely had a way about her to make everything right.

The time to go had come and gone. I was running late. Marta was fussing and fretting. The accessories had to be on just right. I had to hold my bag in the proper manner. She reminded me to use my manners. I told her enough was enough. It was time to go, my date would be waiting. I was in for a night of being the “belle of the ball”. It was going to be a night like no other; a night discussing septic systems and the crap that goes in them.

As I approached the doorway to enter the ball room I stopped to catch my breath. Looking around at all the people I knew standing in that room, I wondered why I was nervous. I still don’t understand the reasoning behind going through all that torture just to be “presentable”. To people who during the day would regularly see me at my worst. As I approached my date and saw the look on his face, I was going to need a shovel to put his tongue back into his mouth the way it was gaping open. I had to look behind me twice to make sure no one was there. For that response it was truly worth it.

One Quarter down....Five to go!!

2007-12-08T17:37:00.001-08:00

My first quarter of school is done...FINALLY...it only took a lot of sweat and tears, only a very slight amount of blood and that was because I fell on the job after tripping over a book bag, breaking a bone in my wrist and kissing the wall. Like I said only a small amount of blood.

Oh well...I have more time to get things done around the house, cooking, cleaning.

Kirby has been awesome in handling less time with me while I study. Over the next month we will have lots of time together. In January my class time gets tighter and I have less time at home in the evenings. I have class Monday through Friday. Mondays and Wednesdays early evening until very late. Tuesdays and Thursdays, Late until very late. Just my luck...I could not get any classes online this quarter and have to attend classes. **SIGH** It's that much more time away from home. Kirby is more than excited for me to attend classes. He keeps telling me I am getting almost as smart as him. We of course laugh about it since I can't win in the game, "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?"

As we get closer to the holidays we are playing more family games and getting very much involved in activities together. I am looking for the game "Pigs" the pigs are like dice. When you roll them and they land a particular way you score points. I so miss playing it. My one Christmas Wish has already been fulfilled, family time....my second one we will have to see. I have told Santa but we will have to see if he will fill my Christmas Wish. I have written my letter...have you?

WE BELIEVE!!

Time Flies...

2007-11-26T22:28:00.000-08:00

Having fun or not time flies. Thanksgiving has come and gone. The Holiday Season is in full swing.

We had a great Holiday! Kirby's birthday always falls in between. This year his birthday fell on the day after Thanksgiving. Of course we celebrated his birthday early on the 17th with all of his friends, a VERY loud bowling alley, and a lot of fun!

I find now that he is 13 it is much easier to have a birthday party with 13 year olds than it is with kids much younger. They actually listen! I know that won't last for long but you have to enjoy it when you can. He had his friends from school and a long time family friend over. We had 5 boys stay the night. Most of the boys were special needs. 3 Aspergers, 1 Aspergers combined with adhd and a few others. What a great group! To see how everyone is treated in this group always amazes me. How there can be so much acceptance amongst young people. I wish it would carry through into adulthood with everyone. I think in this group it will.

The guys just wanted to "hang out" the played video games and had dinner, they watched a movie and had snacks, they "hung out" and had more snacks, they played hide and seek in the dark in the back yard and came in for another snack....Do they ever stop eating? Noooooo......I know how much Kirby eats....hehehee...you would think I could multiply that times five and it would be enough? Nope...they eat more when they are in a group...or would you call five or more of them together a pack??? Ravenous perhaps??? You just don't know...

All in all though it was a good birthday. Kirby got to celebrate birthday number 2 at my parents house. All 5 of my brothers and sisters were there at Thanksgiving...since Kirby is the only grandchild at this time he of course is lavished upon...So of course Birthday #2 is a success....Birthday #3 is usually his dads side of the family. We make these arrangements to make sure no one misses out and that family conflicts don't break out. This year his dad definitely out did any gift anyone could have given him. His dad gave him what he wanted which was the Nintendo DS. I just looked and shook my head. Another electronic game...after getting to look at it for all of 15 seconds and having Kirby take it back telling me I had held onto it long enough. I just sighed and smiled. His dad had made his day.

Although Kirby has gotten a lot more use out of the Unicyle that he received from myself since he knows how to ride, the DS still takes the day as the coolest gift! Amazing the gizmos and gadgets they come up with.

It is now the Monday after Thanksgiving. Little Sisters Birthday is 2 days away. Christmas is around the corner. I am on the two week countdown to my first quarter back to school being over. I only have 6 quizzes 3 tests, an essay and a peer review and 2 discussions to complete...and only 14 days to complete them....Nothing like a little bit of pressure to make things happen.

I am holding onto an A average right now, unless I really mess things up, which it could happen, but I am not counting on it...I should end at a point to be able to have a great GPA to apply for more scholarships and actually get them!!

Time to get back to studying!!

Almost Thanksgiving and I am just posting...

2007-11-17T21:20:00.001-08:00

So much has been happening and there is so little time to keep up on all the small things I want to do. Since the first day of school for Kirby I have had my first day of school. I am now 8 weeks in to classes and holding a minimum of a 3.8 GPA at this time.

I have had an issue with the History class from day 1. I only have to take it to fulfill a Humanities requirement. After this I hope I don't have to look at another history book.

English is pretty easy since I have written a form of each essay. I can take it and run with ones I have already done.

Math is not an issue. I am usually the instructor in the study groups so its not an issue.

Only four weeks left to go in the quarter. I have to make sure I don't slack off at all. Then I get a month off and get to start all over again with a new quarter of classes.

This next quarter I won't be able to take all my classes online. I will have to go to a class 2 nights per week. I prefer having all my classes online like the ones I have now.

It's a wait and see game. Luckily, I applied for and received the pell grant and the Washington State Needs grant. It doesn't cover all my tuition and books but it covers most of it allowing me to finally go back to school and get my degree.

1st Day of School

2007-09-04T05:05:00.001-07:00

It is the first day of school. I don't know who is more excited. Kirby, Monkeydude Jr. or me. I am so ready for them to be back in school. I know along with back to school comes the annoying nag about homework and find out that it's not all getting done. Kirby now has 6 classes to follow up on with homework going into Jr. High (middle school), and with Monkeydude Jr going into 3rd grade the pestering gets to be so much fun. (NOT!)

They are both so ready! So am I!

Tenderfoot...

2007-08-31T21:52:00.000-07:00

Kirby has made his first rank in Boy Scouts. He will soon reach his second rank as well, which is second class. He was so proud. The process of making a rank, the boy scouts have to complete several different skills, then they have to meet with the scoutmaster for a scoutmaster conference, and then finally go through a board of review.

I couldn't believe it, Kirby was actually sweating having to face his first board of review. After all was said and done all the parents in the board of review came up to talk to me about how funny, mature and insightful he is. Although they knew he was nervous they were thrilled about how well he did.

He came through with flying colors. He was so excited he ran up and shook his scoutmasters hand and almost hugged him and then ran to me for the hug. He was so thrilled and exhilarated. He called his dad and grandparents to let them know. I don't think anyone understood his excitement except his new friend from camp who came up and gave him a great big hug as he understood completely how Kirbly felt. A common bond. Amazing to watch. The innocence of childhood yet a child wanting to be older. The clashing is a coming to terms with his growth.

Onto a second rank advancement in the next month! He is now understanding of the fulfillment he can get for a job well done.

For me it's a wait and see, I help him and he advances at his level. Unbeknownst to me he schedules his own Scoutmaster conferences and Boards of Review. I didn't even know this was happening until the night it was supposed to happen.

What a guy!

Junior High....

2007-08-31T21:34:00.002-07:00

When did that happen? When did he grow up enough to move onto this stage? Kirby is headed into Junior High. We had orientation this week. After all the work I did in meeting with teachers last May and June I was really excited for Kirby.

He was going to get the classes he needed and still be integrated into Jr High and be with his friends. I am having to take Kirby to school each day but that is okay. I have worked out my work schedule to be able to take him to his bus stop and get him off to school and still get back to the house in time to catch my carpool to work and then have Wolfman pick him up from the bus stop and get him home. Not only that but the bus stop is at his grandparents house so he is safe even if we can't get there in time to pick him up. The schedule works out for now until things change.

I am currently seeking another job so that the hours will work easier than what I have now.

Kirby went to orientation only for me to find that he didnt have the right schedule. Everything that was discussed did not happen. The only class he was able to get into was Cadet Band. As I sent Kirby off onto his orientation (with the wrong group) I was hesitant. I am glad he went he met 2 more people that as of now they have become fast friends. Will the phone stop ringing? It is almost time to hook up a land line at home so he can talk to his friends.

As I worked on getting his schedule changed to what he was supposed to be in, he had a great time finding his classes and his locker. He was so excited. He is so ready to go back to school. I am again not sure this year who is ready for school to start more. Him or me...LOL...

He has grown not only in height but in maturity. He is helping out around the house without being asked. It's amazing what puberty and moving into a new grade will do. There are many other things that have helped him mature but I would like to think it has been parental influence, more responsibility, and I am sure the help of friends, boy scouts and the leaders in our troop, growth, and so on.

They grow up too fast! He is talking about finding a job and when he is going to be of age to drive! **UGH** I am not ready for that yet!!

**Sigh** Time moves on :)

School starts this Tuesday and the new year begins.

Summer....The Busy Season

2007-08-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

What a SUMMER!! We have been so busy and active that I have not hardly had time to stop and write, or continue on my blog for the time period.

Kirby has spent most of the summer with his dad leaving me ample free time to spend time with friends, boy scout meetings, work, research, applications to colleges.

Kirby spent a week at boy scout camp this summer. He had a marvelous time as usual! He was so excited that he made a new friend. His new found friend and he are hard to keep apart. After a week at camp I went up to spend the final campfire evening with him. He earned the rifleshooting merit badge and the archery merit badge. He has spent 2 years working on those 2 merit badges. It was enough to spur him onto the next level of advancement in boy scouts. He has earned his tenderfoot rank and is headed for his second class.

For as much as I found some of the rules and regulations of boy scouts to be not what I wanted for Kirby, Kirby has taken too them like a duck to water with the structure and routine the program offers. He lives by the scout oath and law. He came home from camp a young man this year. He has managed to make a new friend. He has taken on a position of leadership in the troop. He has matured more than I expected.

**Tear**Sniff** They grow so fast. :)

Not only that but we have been spending some Wednesday nights at movies in the park. I love it we would pack a picnic basket, the back of the trailblazer would be filled with our chairs, blankets and pillows and we would head to the park after work with a group of friends. We would pull up a huge piece of grass and all of us would sit around and chat, play bingo the kids would win prizes and we would have a good time.

We have one more movie night for the summer and it will be the perfect way to end the first week of school and the end of summer. We are going to see Wild Hogs. The kids are so excited to see a motorcycle movie. We will have to wait and see.

We have spent a few weeks camping this year (since I have more vacation time now). So many thing so little time.

Kirby has also had his challenges. I am really having to watch his anger over past experiences. He holds onto it, we are finding ways to let it go when we talk about an incident. It's a practice we have to get into both he and I so that he can find ways to let go of emotions he still can't control. He knows what they are but how to handle them is a different aspect all together.

The other aspect I am working on with Kirby is spending one on one time with him. He is almost 13 and stepping into time where he doesn't want to be around anyone. He wants to hole up and avoid the world. I can't fully let that happen. I give him his time but I make the time for him and I in a cozy, quiet corner, a tent or a homemade tent and we take the time and talk about what happened during his day or while at his dad's or what is bothering him.

Making time as the Busy Season Ends....:) Just in time for the busier season to start!

The Dreaded Phone Call

2007-07-18T12:25:00.001-07:00

I was not able to share this with anyone as it has been difficult. I am moving forward in life and the more I write the more I share the more I heal.

This happened a few months ago…

The dreaded phone call this morning.

I am at work trying to make it through my day. I am not someone who usually gets upset or depressed about a lot of things. Today is a different kind of day. I feel like I have lost so much.

I knew it was coming. I had a long talk with a friend of mine into the wee hours of the morning. It was like déjà vu all over again. Over the past few months I have been talking with a friend I made at the hospital when I had to be in the hospital for heart problems.

I was invited to the memorial service and the graveside burial. I was also asked to sit in on her will reading as she had a very special message for me.

I miss Annie and her smiles, her contagious laughter her attitude. She is still my inspiration and I know as my angel she is watching over me.

How did your day start?

2007-07-16T14:37:00.001-07:00

This is how my day started today…

Things are rocky in the beginning but get steadier. The light dawns, bodies sway and move to a rhythm all their own. They touch then move apart. Time and again like waves moving and crashing on the shore. To move all in one motion as though they are one.

It gets warmer, moving, touching with each sway. Eyes closed in repose, the heat and the humidity rise. The touching continues moving and swaying. It is a long time before we can move apart. The touch lingers, moving forward we are almost there. So close!

Then it all suddenly comes to an end and it is time to get off the bus.

Love Sick...

2007-06-19T21:12:00.000-07:00

Kirby keeps telling me how much love hurts. He has a crush on a very nice girl. I know her parents and we keep in constant contact just to keep on top of what the kids are doing.

He has written hearts with her name in them. He talks about her when he and I are one on one wanting to know what he should do. He thinks about her alot, I can see him off in day dream wordl with that face and silly smile. I know what he is thinking. He has a picture of her he can look at.

And here I thought it was only the girls who did that.

**As the stomach churns**

He's Graduated!!

2007-06-19T21:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's only from the 6th grade but still. On he moves to Junior High! Can you believe it? He is that age moving on to the next level of education.

Kirby was so excited, his dad showed up!

His dad doesn't come to many things, but when it is truly important I can usually count on him being there.

Kirby went through a 90 person graduation ceremony with his friends all things considered he did extremely well. He was a bit upset with a few of the pictures I submitted for the slide show but it wasn't anything embarrassing. Only one of him on a unicycle and one of him on the beach at Camp Casey last year. Apparently he didn't expect them to be in there and he was embarrassed.

He had a lot of fun during graduation with his friends and made arrangements with them and the parents for the summer. Sounds like they want to get together a few times throughout the summer for movies and "hanging out" as Kirby tells me.

He is so excited tonight since we are about to celebrate with an Ice Cream Sundae...

CONGRATULATIONS KIRBY!!

I am very proud of you!!

Underestimated...

2007-06-16T16:07:00.000-07:00

Many people underestimate me and my accomplishments and abilities. I have been researching cars for a few months now. I needed a vehicle that would support 4 people who are over 5 feet 1o inches tall, and Monkey Dude Jr who is maybe 4 feet tall. I figure no matter what vehicle I chose I could fit him in somewhere.

I searched and researched for what vehicle would work for me that I could afford with the amount of savings I had. I really didn't want to finance the vehicle. I would take my friend Wolfman to dealerships with me and the salesmen would sell to him. One dealership actually tried to sell me a vehicle I didn't want. You can guess I didn't go back to their dealership.

I researched for a few more weeks and finally found a very large dealership that had about 8 cars I wanted to look at. I arrived at the dealership and we were taken around in a small car to look at all the vehicles that were in my price range. As we approached vehicle #8 I was getting very discouraged. Wolfman was doing a great job keeping the salesman busy while I really got to look at the vehicle. I was tired and ready to head home...when I walked around a vehicle that caught my eye. It was a year older than I wanted but had a lot less miles than the one I was looking at. I looked in, it seated 7, it had 4wd, and all the features I was looking for. I wasn't overly excited yet. I walked around to the front of the vehicle to check out the price tag. $20,900. I shook my head and said, "No, No, No...." I didn't like the price...I wasn't going to pay that type of money for a vehicle that had that many miles, when just that morning I had driven a vehicle almost identical to it for half the miles and they wanted only $14,988.

As Wolfman and I sat down with the salesman to negotiate the price with "The Big Boss", he placed a piece of paper with the price and vehicle make, model and vin # in front of Wolfman. Wolfman calmly and gently looked at the salesman, looked him in the eye as he slowly slid the piece of paper in front of me, "SHE is the one buying this vehicle, not me." The salesman was a bit shocked since he had spent most of his time selling to Wolfman, my roommate, he is not even on the loan. The salesmans face turned red as he seemed to sit and realize his mistake of the day. He had been selling the vehicle to my roommate and did not pay much attention to me. A few times he seemed to blow me off during the "tour" of vehicles. He focused on the man of the group. He didn't find out who was truly buying the car...Go figure huh?

I looked at the piece of paper when it was finally placed in front of me. I still didn't like the price and I told our salesman so. He told me to name a price and he would see what he could do. I explained that I had driven a vehicle that morning that was almost identical to what I was looking at here. The difference is the vehicle was gold and not white. It also didn't have Mickey Mouse on the window. Other than that the vehicles were identical. Now that wasn't necessarily true. The vehicle I had driven that morning only seated 5 people and was only a 2 wheel drive vehicle. Yet it did have 20K miles less than this vehicle and was a year newer. I still didn't want to pay the price they were asking for it. I looked at the salesman and said, "I will offer them $15, 500 Cash for the vehicle." He replied with a chuckle saying, "I don't know if the Big Boss will go for that, what would be the highest you would pay for this vehicle?" I looked at him and replied with, "I won't pay more than that." He shook his head as he walked off to talk to "The Big Boss".
I sat and waited, and waited, Wolfman headed off to find the restroom. The salesman came back and I was a bit shocked at what they came back with. They offered the vehicle back to me at $16500. I still wasn't sure about the price but I told him to go talk to "The Big Boss" again. This time "The Big Boss" came out to talk to me. I pulled out the ad for the other vehicle. No where on it did it show a 2 wheel drive vehicle but it did have the Vin# and what year mileage etc. No one said anything about it. He just looked at me and said, "That's the lowest we are willing to go on this vehicle." I shook my head and said, "Let me think about it." At that point "The Big Boss" whom I found out goes by Bulldog....Bulldog isn't as fierce as he would like to think. He and I were going to butt heads and he knew it.

I came back after fully thinking through the need for this vehicle. I did need it, it wasn't just a want. However it was, it was one of the vehicles I wanted and in a way needed. I accepted the offer. Off I went to the finance department! How quickly they move you on to the next room.

At this point they finally asked me how I was going to be financing this vehicle. I chuckled and said, "My bank has preapproved me at 9%, can you do better?" He asked me, "Why at 9%?" I explained about my divorce and how I have a few blemishes from my ex-husbands mistakes. I need to pick things up and start over. This is a good way to do it." He shook his head, this finance person didn't look to be older than 20 and he kept saying, "I understand." How the hell did he know? He barely graduated from high school, he couldnt have that type of experience yet. Sure enough he hadn't. He had been married for a year and they just had a little one. So he worked his magic and was able to finance me through a local credit union. I said okay...let's do it."

In order to get me financed the way they wanted they had to lower the sale price of the vehicle. I ended up paying in the end, $15,550 for the vehicle. Amazing that after all of that they had to drop the price even further.

I walked away with a new vehicle. The knowledge that I had just educated a salesman to the fact that you can never be certain who you are really selling to. Not to mention don't try to tell me that I don't know my vehicles, or have not done my research. At the end I was telling the salesman about their vehicles not them telling me the information. People tend to underestimate my knowledge and ablilities, and the fact that I am a woman and a man should know more. Amazing that sex has to come into play more often than not.

Anyway....

They made their money on the vehicle from the credit union on the back, and I went into the bank this last week and paid it off. Talk about not building credit. I have other ways to do that. However that was a most justifying experience.

**Reminder** Don't underestimate any woman, she has and will use the ability to prove you wrong.

New BBQ Grill...

2007-06-15T22:15:00.001-07:00

Memorial Weekend....time for friends, family and a BBQ, hamburgers, chicken, potato salad, chips, polish sausages, juice, pop and fun. It wasn't much fun purchasing the BBQ...let me tell you about what happened.

I looked online for a number of BBQ's. I am not a huge fan of Walmart but I shop there. I can't explain why, probably becasue they are cheap and if I can get play clothes for Kirby pretty inexpensively then so be it. Frugal is good. However I wasn't looking for anything too expensive something to last a few years until I could upgrade.

I entered into Walmart with Wolfman, we walked back to take a look at the BBQ's. Ok...to the front...in the Garden and outdoor department. I noticed this particular Saturday it was very busy. I had started in the Men's department looking for shorts for me. All I wanted was one pair of jeans shorts for around the house. They didn't have any...so off to the womens department and again they didn't have any. In each department I asked a sales clerk if they knew when they were going to get any in. They didn't know. They were very short and definitely didn't have any customer service skills. I am not sure what I was expecting but someone to be alot nicer. I am in a customer service position, I guess I take my job much more seriously.

Anyway, as we made our way back to the BBQ's we made a decision, so I stood in line to ask the guy FINALLY if the propane tank came with the BBQ. So here I stood, humming to myself with 6 other people in front of me. So I started humming the jeopardy tune. I felt like someone on a commercial, with a speaker in a deep voice behind me saying, "Have you ever had this happen to you, where you stand in line for ever and ever**cobwebs start growing** and you never seem to get anywhere or any help? Well, come on over!" Then I am startled out of my reverie by the cashier asking the next person in line, "May I help you, " this pubescent person screeches.

I am finally the next person in line after more than 10 minutes. I ask the guy if the propane tank comes with the BBQ, "No it doesn't come with the one you are looking at." As he started ringing up the items for the next person in line. I looked at him and said, "Those aren't mine." He replied, "Oh, I thought you were done." So I stepped back thinking he would ring up my purchase next since I stood there waiting. Nope....he moved onto the next person in line...So out of frustration there were only 4 other people I got back in line.

As I got to the front of the line again, I asked him if we could get it put together before the end of the afternoon. "Hold on, let me check, can you stand over there and I will let you know." As he got on the phone and commented that he was going to start helping the next customer. He turned his back on everyone in his line to find out if my BBQ could be put together before 3pm that day. When he got off the phone, I thought I would at that time be able to pay for my purchase. He then moved onto the next customer. At this time there were 7 people now in line...**Sigh** Here we go again. I got back in line, the cashier saw me and didn't make any indication to allow me to pay for my purchase. I started getting louder, and making humourous comments. I finally got back up to the front of the line....I looked the cashier in the eye and said, "I would like to buy that BBQ, with a new tank, with that BBQ set, I would like to do it now. I am not waiting, you said they could have it put together by the time I need. Now take care of this for me please, I have been through your line 3 times." His response to me was, "You can blame my manager, he called in sick today." I looked at him and said, " I can't blame your manager for your lack of customer service and incompetence." The guy shut up and rang up my purchase without another comment.

As I left the store through the garden center I ran into 2 more employees. One of the women looked at me and said, "We are really short handed today." I looked at her and said, "Yes I can see that, you have several people here who are really short minded too." She laughed with her co-worker as I walked out the door. I collected my propane tank and left.

Sightseer came over that afternoon and he and I headed back up to Walmart to pick up the BBQ, I borrowed a truck from my ex thinking everythign would work out. It did not....The BBQ was too big to fit into the back of the Ford Ranger (that has a canopy on it). So we did the next best thing.

Sightseer and I tied the BBQ onto the tailgate of the truck to get it home. Nothing like driving a beat up truck with a BBQ tied to the back coming out of Walmart!! Talk about redneck....it was absolutely hilarious! I should have gotten a picture of it all. If not I hope someone who wins the best redneck picture gives me a portion!

So now at home we BBQ, and very well. Both, Wolfman and I don't do half bad a job if I don't cook it on high heat...Its been fun and yummy at the same time.

Busy, busy, busy...

2007-06-15T21:53:00.000-07:00

It has been a very busy past 6 weeks. I have helped a friend move. Packing and somewhat unpacking. I am getting there but life keeps getting in the way.

The first day I made it over to his place to unpack about 3 weeks ago I managed to unpack his kitchen. The second time, I managed to unpack his office, the third time I was supposed to arrive life got in the way three different times.

The first time the kids and home got in the way, the second time I got sick, the third time my new car broke down. Did I mention I got a new vehicle? Well, now the cat is out of the bag I sure did. I will go into more detail about my experiences there in another post.

Not only that but I also took care of Jolie's cats while she was out of town for Memorial Weekend. I bought a new bbq! Yes, I cook on it quite frequently. I have been told I am actually a pretty good cook. I have to post about that purchase too! What a great time I have had...

So beyond the bbq, the moving, the new vehicle, the cats, Boyscouts, cub scouts, drives for marketing for the business, social activities, work....did I mention I cut back on my business and hired out part of my job? I had to take some things off of my plate. It was time for me to cut back. So I did.

Aftger typing out this post...there are so many things to think about that I want to put on the table and open up for comments. Any would be appreciated or any point of view I might not be seeing. Next posts coming up....

New BBQ Grill...

Jealous or just Angry...

New Car (truck?) no no...SUV. I am so excited about this one...plus the breakdown one week later.

Stay tuned!!!

Road of Life

2007-06-07T08:55:00.000-07:00

I have finally found my Road of Life Drawing…and here I thought I was never going to be able to post it.

Just like in my profile. The road of life is very short. It is the roundabouts, circles, backtracks that make it much longer and more fulfilling.

It works...Can you believe it???

2007-06-06T21:49:00.001-07:00

I can post to my blog from work! I have been messing with this all day and of course I can't access my personal email from work so I couldn't look at the site. So here I am sending in update after update hoping it would all be posted by the time I get home...Nope...not happening.

It takes clicking one little box and Lo and Behold it all shows up where I want it to be!

I am so excited. Now I can bring all the information anyone wants at the moment I feel like it!

I was starting to think all that free time at work was going to be wasted...

Its the excitement of the little things that keep me happy!!

It's all in a days work I suppose :)

Testing...1.2.3

2007-06-06T21:40:00.001-07:00

Testing 1.2.3

When this becomes the "Buzz" of the office....

2007-06-06T17:51:00.000-07:00

“They are connecting into the sewer line today in the construction at the end of the hallway downstairs. They are trying to make it short but, we all know how that goes.

If you should happen to smell the aromas of the sewer don’t panic it should dissipate shortly.”

I would think that if that is the most exciting email of the morning then I might need to find something else to do!

I have figured out how to blog from work via email!! Had I known this I would have been blogging all along. Now I can do something more with my time than sit here and twiddle my thumbs. Yes, yes I am looking at other options, but for now…This is as good as it gets.

Back to car shopping!

Song Stuck In My Head...

2007-06-06T05:12:00.000-07:00

There is a song stuck in my head from the time I woke up this morning. Anna Nalick sings it.

It starts out... 2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason.

I am laying here thinking well I was at 4am anyway,

It's 4am and I am awake
unraveling why I made this mistake,
I don't like this, mornings just aren't my best times.
Yeah I wake up and smile, rub the sleep from my eyes,
sit and wonder just what I am doing, why do I try?
Lazy butts they are all still sleeping...Why not I....

Okay its not a great work of art but at 4am and half asleep what can you expect? I'm definitely not a song writer. It is however almost 5:30 am and I am sitting here on the balcony of my bedroom enjoying the quiet sounds of the birds chirping and not much else. No one else is up except Wolfman who headed off to work already. I leave in less than an hour but I am quite able to take some time to myself.

Sitting here I am wondering what I have to do. Things seem so clear but yet they don't.

I am in the process of having to buy a new car. We are so in need of one. I can no longer fit 5 people in my little escort. It just won't hold up. With so many activities going on I just am not able to split my time driving and trying to get to all the extra curricular activities, pick up and drop off of Kirby to and from his dad's all the while trying to get Monkey Dude Jr off to his activities. I am running between or walking or taking the bus which are all good but really takes up too much time when you need to get other things done.So I have been researching, calling, making notes and trying to decide which car is best what will work for what I want. I do know that no matter what, this vehicle will not be a commute vehicle. However, it will be driven.

Amazing when you mention buying a new car how much advice you get. What is best, what is not. Go Toyota, Go Ford, Go Chevy....Well, not sure which way I am going to go but I have to get there soon. Luckily I am already preapproved. At this point it's finding my new car! Time for another cup of coffee and getting a move on...**Sigh** The demands of time....Have a good day!

Egads!! Its Been...

2007-05-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

Way too long since I last posted. So much has happened and there is so little time! This spring has been sooooooo busy.

There have been moments and then there have been MOMENTS!! I am taking steps to clear a few things off of my plate for work and home events to clear my schedule a little more to have some more free time. Time to run through the sprinkler with Kirby and Monkey Dude Jr. Time to pack the boxes in my room I have wanted to go through for the past year. Time to visit my Nana who always wants to cook a meal for me and any guests I should bring over.

She asked me recently if I was going to find a wonderful man to be in my life. She really misses my ex husband. More so she says she misses the fact that I don't have someone to spend time with. I miss that to, to an extent but it is not a requiremtent in my life. However nice it might be to find the right one. I figure eventually I will find him.

I have been to Reno, NV for a weekend get away...Can you believe it?!?! I took some time off...an actual 48 hour vacation...Woohoo!!

While I was doing this Kirby was in Florida with his dad on a 9 day vacation to Disney World, the NASA-Kennedy Space Center, Busch Gardens, The Beach and spending time in a 7 room house where everyone got their own room! I should mention his dad, his dad's fiancee, the nanny, and all 5 kids went on Vacation! What a trip. Kirby called me 2-3 times a day..The next time we take a trip I will have to teach him time zones. Reminding him that a call at 7am his time was 4am my time however I am up on the days I was supposed to sleep in it was difficult to have my phone ring at 4am with a huge....."Good Morning Sleepyhead! If I have to be up, you have to be up!" and he would laugh and say good morning.

I enjoyed his entire trip from his perspective daily. He had a good time and came back quite tan and I think a few inches taller. I am 5 foot 10 inches and he almost looks me in the eye at the same height.

School stuff, junior high meetings, band concerts, boy scouts, friends moving, a new bbq grill, family in town, grilling on the new bbq grill, garage sales, family (youngest sister) in court, grilling for friends on the new bbq grill. Ok I will let the idea of the new bbq grill go but it sure makes some yummy goodness with the right cook :)

For those interested my book is off to an editor for an initial editing job...and soon I should have some results! I am hoping to see it on bookshelves in the future! Have to wait and see!

Anger, frustration, why?

2007-04-14T09:05:00.000-07:00

Who has time? Whats the point? Life is really too short. Wow! It's amazing how short life really is. It's amazing how things come full circle.

Being single isn't all its cracked up to be. You find someone you really have an interest in. You date for a while. Things go great....then all of a sudden they want more than you and things aren't as good as you thought they were. They become pushy and controlling. They want to know about every detail of your life. They want to know where you are at every moment of the day. They start to call you throughout the day at work. To make sure you are really there? To find out what you are up to? Where is the trust? Where is the respect? Not going to happen. They start to order for you when you go out to dinner? What the hell is up with that?

It comes to a point where they want to know your email passwords and if you don't give it to them they start talking about lack of trust and how you don't trust them. My email, my work is not their business. Where is the trust of them for you? It's that one fable...someone who can't trust is someone who can't be trusted. Amazing he has displayed traits of someone like that. He became controlling. I am not interested in that.

Then comes the time you really need to exit the situation. How do you make it a simple process. How do you make it so you don't hurt them? How do you make it so you don't hurt yourself? Being that I am the one who got out, I wasn't really hurt. I know he was though. I know when I talked to him that I had hit him hard and it hurt. He became angry and belligerent, starting to yell, pace. Why? Will it change anything? How I feel? From my perspective it had to be done. I can't live that way. I won't have someone trying to control me in that way. It's either a 2 way street of respect, trust, honesty and caring or it's nothing.

So today I sit here alone (thats a good thing), it's quiet. It's only Lil Sister and me home today. Monkey Dude Jr is at his grandparents and Kirby is at a Boy Scout Campout. Pondering how free and good I feel. Pondering what life now holds for me. Enjoying the fact that no one has control or a part of me. Living life free and single is a wonderful thing.

My plans of the day include, cleaning, reading, writing and relaxing. Who needs a vacation? I get the time right here at home today. Although come the end of the day that will end so I am going to take advantage of all the time I can get. Enjoying my freedom from being in a relationship that is now over! Hooray!!

Training Days

2007-04-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

Kirby is involved in Leave No Trace training with his boy scout troop. They have several campouts coming up and overnights. I am really looking forward to the family camp out this year! So many things to do and not enough time. I just got him the shovel for backpacking so he can take care of anything he needs to when he is on a long hike.

He has to keep his pack at 35 pounds or less to make it comfortable. We are still working on that. So far between his mat, sleeping, bag and tent we have that down to 13 pounds but it just doesn't seem like its enough yet.

He came home from training the first night and looked at me and explained that it was a lot of information. Surprisingly he can repeat it without too many problems. He was excited tonight to be headed off to his training for night number two. He had a lot of research to do before he went in order to complete other tasks during the training. We will see how it goes tonight.

He is back from his dads for only tonights training and then I have to take him back to his dad's. He is excited to be training and learning (hands on) all this new information. What a kid...now if he were only this excited about school. :)

I will have to see what he has learned about tonight! He is going to be going through a day long test where he will have to test his skills and knowledge on a test and hands on to prove he has learned all the requirements for this particular training. He will finally be in a position to teach rather than always be taught. Exciting times!

Bus Humor...

2007-04-10T19:28:00.000-07:00

Riding the bus has made me open my mind to some sick humor. I really think the bus drivers are really into some perverse humor. Today I ended up leaving work late, thankfully a co worker drove me to the bus stop. As I looked down the row of busses at the transit center I noticed my bus sitting there. The bus brake lights were on which usually indicates they are about to leave. Not wanting to wait another half an hour for the next bus I started running along with 4 other people. Making our ways very quickly through the streaming crowds of people towards our bus.

As we got closer I realized there was a bus directly in front of my bus and it couldn't go anywhere unless that bus moved. I slowed a bit thinking I had more time. Suddenly the bus in front of mine started its engine and proceeded to pull out of the transit center, leaving mine to be the next one to start his engine. As we ran I felt like I was in the final stretch of a marathon and the finish line being the doorway of the bus. It would end if the door closed before I could get on it. My bus started its engine and proceeded to pull forward. Here came the final sprint! Would we make it in time? Stay tuned....

We made it to the door of the bus as he was coming to a stop. As we showed our passes or paid our way onto the bus, the driver turned off the engine. He still had 6 minutes before he had to leave for the north end of town. We ran and ran and ran....to get on a bus that wasn't going anywhere. I personally think the driver opens and closes his door to make people panic. If they see the door close they start to panic and run if they think the bus is going to leave without them. It's almost as though it is the doorway to freedom! The transport to the real world! It is a safe haven for everyone a time of peace and quiet until they enter the next world of chaos from work to home.

Amazing as I sit in my seat and watch the driver open and close the door for other riders and he chuckles. Right before the bus takes off from the transit center he makes a notation on a clipboard. I think he is marking down how many people he made run, to his wonderful inner delight. He takes delight in seeing other people run, and panic. The joy he gets from opening and closing the bus doors. Open and shut....Panic attack and run! **Chuckle** Open and shut...Panic attack and run! **Chuckle** Open and shut...Panic attack and run! **Chuckle** Its a vicious cycle. He opens and shuts the door, watches people panic and run for the bus and he gets a chuckle.. Does he think he has the power? The control to instill fear and panic?

It's the bus drivers evel delight. I guess you have to look forward to something in your job each day.

Human Kindness! Chivalry is not dead!

2007-04-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

Many men on the busses can learn a lesson from this. My bus in the morning is usually standing room only. It's amazing the kindness people show, especially the older generation. I think many men could take lessons from this one kind gentleman.

Last Tuesday the bus was packed this particular morning. Standing room only for the last 8 people on the bus. One older woman stood wondering where she was going to hold on to keep her balance. One older gentleman packed up his book and belongings and set his bag next to me. Knowing what he was going to do I moved my foot next to it so it wouldn't slide across the floor. He smiled and said, "Thank you." And offered his seat to this woman. She embarassingly declined but as the bus lurched forward she lost her balance. She was caught from a nasty fall by 2 other men sitting close by, and encouraged to sit. She did sit very thankfully and the other men remained standing. They encouraged the older man to sit and he declined. They both sat back down and after some time I noticed the older man having trouble standing. At that point I got up and asked him to please sit. He did, he was sweating from trying to keep his own balance. He again thanked me. I at that point sat on the floor and we talked.

Since then each time he sees me he reaches for my hand gives it a light squeeze and a smile and moves to sit down.

I am a firm believer in you reap what you sow...Today I think I got my payback.

As I left work today I saw my bus coming off the freeway. I ran to the bus stop...As I got there the bus was approaching I turned to wave and let him know I was waiting my backpack flew open and out flew my laptop and all the paper and notebooks that were in it. All over the bus stop and all over the road. As I frantically picked up everything just knowing the bus was going to continue on a man bent down next to me grabbing some paper and said, "Are you getting on the bus?" I told him yes, and he proceeded to pick up a stack of stuff and take it onto the bus.

As I looked up and got on the bus I realized the bus driver had stopped, parked his bus in the street blocking traffic and stopped to help me pick up the loose papers flying all over the road.
I was shocked, amazed and very, very grateful, more than I could tell him. Human kindness, random acts of kindness, or just plain helpful. One person, one act of kindness goes a long way.

I don't know his name, but I want to say again Thank you to the driver of the MT 232 at 4:32 on 112th St. NE. You know who you are if you ever read this. I can't say thank you enough!

It's Spring!

2007-04-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

Spring came in like lion this year. 2 weeks in and we already have 75-80 degree weather and then the next day its raining and 45 degrees. Welcome to Springtime in Seattle. Today it was sunny and cool. By the time I got home from work I missed all the sunshine and it was dark, gloomy and ready to rain by the time I got off the bus from work.

Amazing! I love this time of year and so does Kirby! Kirby loves to ride his bike and scooter up and down our rural road. He and Monkeydude Jr race each other back and forth. Surprisingly Monkeydude Jr can keep up for being a 1/3 pint of Kirby.

We have been out in the yard almost any chance we get cleaning it and mowing it for springtime cleanup. All the gardens are clean, weed free, the grass is short. We have had a great time setting up all the patio furniture so we can enjoy evening meals or iced tea on the back patio. Just waiting for the warm summer where the sun will shine and we can run through the sprinkler, eat cherry, orange, banana, grape and rootbeer popsicles.

It's only a matter of time. Just counting down. Until summer, until school gets out. Until, Until, Until...I think its a matter or waiting. Waiting and waiting...It will be here soon enough!

Happy Spring Morning!

2007-03-31T07:44:00.000-07:00

It is 7:45am on a Saturday Spring morning. The birds are chirping, the coffee is hot and steaming in the cup next to me. The blanket I am wrapped in is soft and fuzzy. Kirby is at his dad's for the weekend, and I am just sitting, pondering, what to do, what to do....

I know I have my taxes to wrap up. I have a house to clean. I have other things to do, but sitting here enjoying the quiet before anyone gets up, before I have to run to meet another schedule, before I have to do anything at all. I have to sit and listen and enjoy. It's not often there is actual quiet time in this house. With 5 of us here to find a quiet moment is sometimes difficult.

The joys of having roommates. Everyone has their own room but it is not the same as when it was just myself and Kirby in our own place. I do miss the lack of privacy from time to time.

Just listening, again to the birds, the quiet, the car with no muffler coming down the highway in the distance. The car hopping down the highway to the beat of whatever the driver has playing. The dump trucks warming up in the lot about a half mile up the street. Its all there but somehow it brings a peaceful feeling. Calming, soothing, relaxing....with that steaming cup of coffee that I still can't drink because its still too hot! Hope you are having a Great Spring Morning!

Mr. Frogman LIves Up to New Name!!

2007-03-31T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yes Mr. Frogman is living up to his new name splendidly! He has most recently grown at least another inch. He eats like there is no tomorrow and the grocery bill has almost doubled. It's all good though. I know it is going to happen.

Recently he blacked out in school falling over after sitting in his chair for about a minute. Was mom a bit freaked? Yes! So was he. He didn't know what was going on. I of course picked him up from school and came home to be mom and let him know everything was going to be okay.

We of course called the doctor and made an appointment. He was seen. They relate it back to blood sugar and his possibly had crashed as it was right before lunch. So each day I send in a healthy snack with him to school between breakfast and lunch. So far though he has not had another issue. I thought he was taking a snack each day already but he told me that he would get it after school instead of taking one to school. **Sigh** Now he tells me. So now it breakfast, snack, snack, lunch, snack, snack, dinner, snack, dessert. (Not really but the way the groceries are going it seems like it).

As we went into the doctors office he complained about what the doctor said. She said they were going to have to do a blood draw. He looked at me and asked, "What is that?" I explained that they were going to hook up a hose to his arm and drain out everything until he looked like a flat dried up prune. He laughed and then after a good laugh looked at me and said, "Seriously mom, what is it?" I looked at him again and explained what they were going to do. He scrunched up his face, "Awww Man! I don't want that!" He asked me then, "Are they going to poke my finger too?" I told him, "I don't think so but I am not sure." He seemed okay with that and laid back down on the table. We started laughing and talking about things.

When the nurse came in to take the blood draw he looked at her and asked, "Okay, how much am I donating today?" She laughed and said, "Only these 3 tubes." I have not seen Kirby go white like he did at that moment and squeak, "Okay." They get all done poking his arm without a sound from him and taking the blood draw removing the needle, he states in a very grown up voice, "That wasn't so bad." Then the other nurse walks in and has to check his blood sugar by poking his finger. He whined for the next half an hour over a finger prick verses a needle shoved into his arm. Amazing.

After his appointment we went out to breakfast and then off to school he went. He scowled at me when he found out I was taking him to school instead of taking the day off. Unfortunately a day off is not in my plans for a bit but it could happen. One day perhaps....Just Maybe. :)

Mr. Frogman gets a new Name!

2007-03-04T00:40:00.000-08:00

I have got to change Mr. Frogmans name to a new name. I have finally found one that fits him. He has grown so much in the past year and his appetite has grown with him. He eats..and eats...and eats. Its good to see but yet I wonder. I limit him to what he can have and what he needs, and of course an occassional bit of junk food.

Lately though he has been the first one done at the table each night for the past month. Usually everyone around the table is talking so I don't always notice how fast he is eating or how big the bites. However, this past week I have been taking some extra time to watch and decided Mr. Frogman needs a new nickname.

I have decided that it will have to be KIRBY. Yes just like the cute little guy in the video games. Not only that but just like the vaccuum cleaner too! Yes, Mr. Frogman sucks down his meals like a vaccuum. I was able to catch him at it with his face down to his plate and his lips in a suction fashion so he could suck down his food. I can't believe he can clear a plate that fast.

There should be a world record competition for that some place! I bet he would win too! We aren't at the table five minutes and he is done. I have to get him distracted and talking to make him slow down. He asks for seconds and I have him wait 10 minutes so he doesnt over fill himself. Amazing what he will eat and then come back for 30 minutes later.

I would have named him Hoover but his dad's dog was named Hoover and he is still there. I didn't want to conflict with anything. Very shortly I am going to make him a T-shirt that has Kirby on the back...no one will know but him and I...Well, except you too! but I know you won't say anything :)

Time Again!

2007-03-04T00:23:00.000-08:00

The days are getting longer. The snow hasn't stopped falling. We have 6 inches of snow on the ground one day and 2 days later its sunny and the snow is gone. The kids have to make up yet another day of school at the end of the year. March 15th is fast approaching and corporate taxes are not yet done. April 15th is fast approaching and my personal taxes are not yet done.

You would think I would have time to accomplish all of this again. Not yet...but I am working on it...

Right now I am a bit focused on man trouble. The man I want doesn't know I exist so I keep it to myself. There is a man in my life that really wants me and I won't commit. His heart is in the right place but to me it is not quite right. As much as I care very deeply for him as a friend I can't get past that point.

I have girlfriends trying to hook me up with their male friends and that is just not working. Too old or too young. I can't win. I am tired of blind dates or meeting them at a convenient lunch meeting. How do you tell your married friends not to set you up with their single friends? Maybe just like that.

I can get dates just fine on my own. Getting them is easy. Making sure the person is a right fit is a different story...You don't like them and they like you...You like them they don't like you...no chemistry...both of you deciding that you are definitely not compatible.

This online dating thing stinks...how do you honestly meet somone who is right for you over email? Over IM? Over not speaking and understanding tone, intent, interpretation through unspoken words?

I don't know. Whatever happened to running into someone? Meeting over coffee? The dating world has greatly changed. A few months ago I was grocery shopping. I started a conversation with a man just out of the blue trying to be friendly...we were looking at the same item. As we talked I continued to shop. I had a lot to do...maybe he was watching what I was choosing and how much to guage if I was single or what...but we kept talking and asking questions. I had been avoiding a particular aisle for a while as I didn't want to embarass him by going down it and it was the final item I needed. I tried a few times to end the conversation but I could see that wasn't going to happen. As I strolled down my final aisle and started searching for what I needed he proceeded to mention we should get together sometime. As I reached for that dreaded box of womens personal items he asked me to dinner. He came to realize what I was shopping for at that moment. He didn't miss a beat. He asked if I was available in a week. I'm sure to make sure I was over whatever it was for the current week.

We did go to dinner and it was good...however, we were not a good match for one another.

So back to my issue. I do want someone in my life, I am in no hurry but it gets awful lonesome being alone.

Maybe with Mr. Frogman gone this weekend its tougher. I am not sure as to why it just is. I sure miss the not so little guy when he is gone.

Life's Twists and Turns

2007-02-08T20:10:00.000-08:00

Life changes...

I have friends that I am not getting to spend as much time with as I would like to. I feel as though there is a growing distance. I have someone in my life I want more with but I don't know how to say it or if I even can.

One friend is flying to California to an interview and if he receives a job offer he may move. I don't get to see him a lot now as it is, life keeps me busy but if he moves I will see him much less. It's hard to have friends go a further distance away. The friendship remains, but it is farther apart.

Another friend lives 100+ miles to the north of me. He is having part of his foot amputated this next week. It's amazing how you don't have time for people. Everything else seems so important when things happen you realize how unimportant some things are and how important other things should be in your life.

I've met a few new people lately in order to expand my social life. It's not in with the new and out with the old. It's keep the old and integrate the new. I am thankful for the friends I have and the new ones I have met. It is interesting how life brings changes that makes people think about what they have and what is truly important to them.

Thank you to all my friends, Wolfman, Intimidator, Sightsee'r, Casinodude, Little Red, Jolie, Trucker; you mean a lot to me and I want to let you all know that. No matter where life takes you I will support and stand by you in all that you do. Love you All!!

It's Been a Month Since the Day!

2007-02-08T19:33:00.000-08:00

It's been a month since the day the first diagnosis came in. I was diagnosed with Chicken Pox. Down and out for almost a month thinking I had the flu. The doctor tested me for pregnancy (not likely even in the slightest unless it would be the second coming of Christ), to all sorts of blood and lab tests, being subjected to poking, prodding, stabbing, cutting and finally to be told I have chicken pox. Oh Lucky Me!

I get through that to finally feeling better, to find out that since my immune system was compromised I have developed a bacterial infection that requires a very strong antibiotic to fight it. Come to find out I am allergic to sulfa based antibiotics. Unfortunately for me there is no other antibiotic that can fight this. As I am battling hives in places around by body where hives don't belong I find out that I need to be very cautious with the longevity of the antibiotic. They have put me on it for four weeks. The final downside to all of this is that now I am on IV antibiotics to counter all the symptoms of a syndrome that can occur from taking prolonged antibiotics with an allergic reaction. Only 2 more doses and I am done. Then it's a wait and see game.

Mr. Frogman and I have made a point to do homework each night together so I have some down time and he gets all of his homework done and all late or missing homework in and is ready for the next trimester in school. This is the final portion of the school year for him, the down hill slide into Junior High. He has been such a trooper through all of this but I know it is wearing and trying for him too.

He recently shared with me he has a crush on a young lady in his class. We were spending some much needed time together and he told me about all of this. His dad makes fun of hijm every time he mentions anything about a girl.. Mr. Frogman bought her a red rose for valentines day. He has been practicing what he is going to say to her. It is so cute I just want to laugh, but I can't. He keeps telling me how much love hurts and there are days he thinks that she doesn't even know he exists. They are friends and he doesn't want to hurt that friendship. Smart Kid...Takes after his mom :)

Mr. Frogman has been a trooper through all of my being sick and in/out of the doctors. This has been a trying time for him. Although he has come through very strong.

I often wonder how much he suffers for everything I have to endure. Is he getting his childhood taken away with all that I have to deal with? Am I giving him enough? Am I doing enough as a mom? How much does he really understand? I know it's enough and I know I am doing the best I can but I often wonder if my best is enough lately?

As he gets older he amazes me with his maturity and understanding. In the past year he has grown up so much. He has grown about a foot in the last year and stands almost as tall as myself. Emotionally he has grown immensely too. From thinking girls are gross to now being intertested. It was almost yesterday they had cooties.

Amazing how they grow! Learn! Blosson!

So much happening...So Little Time...

2007-01-17T19:39:00.000-08:00

Welcome to 2007. So much happening so little time!

Between work, corporate taxes (and more taxes and more taxes and even more taxes), the book I have been working on for the last few years. I received a response from an agent! Yes the book needs more work, yes I need to find a new editor, my full time job, preparing Mr. Frogman for Middle School or Junior High School. Starting all the meetings.

I'm not sure how much fight I have at the moment. This winter has taken its toll on myself, all of us in the house, my now lack of vacation time and needing a vacation away desparately...Some place warm, blue skies, beaches, HEAT...Okay that sounds good :)

Soon, very soon that is going to become a reality.

What brought the vacation idea on? Sitting at work today doing my normal daily mundane tasks, my computer, I have noticed every time I go into a particular screen runs particularly fast, hard and loud. It sounds almost like an airplane taking off. I was thinking of how many times Iwould have to go into and out of that screen for my computer to get me to Hawaii or Mexico. Which would it get me too faster? Then I got to researching the distance from Home to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico or Honolulu, Hawaii.

It has been almost 7 years since I was last in Hawaii in March of 2000. My ex's and my 10 year wedding anniversary. We spent 2 weeks in paradise. It was also the year my marriage started to fall apart. Amazing how you can go from wedded bliss to singleness. Amazing...Hindsight is definitely 20/20. Oh well, I am still thinking some place warm...

I have been thinking about an adult only get away to Disneyland! Taking a friend or two and just the adults heading out of town. Of course we will take the kids later. Mr. Frogman has been to Disneyland twice already and is going with his dad possibly again this summer.

But going to the Happiest place on Earth would be a great thing at this point after this pointedly cold and ugly winter. Although the snow (again) is beautiful its getting long and being forced to take vacation is not quite how I want to spend my vacation time.

I am going to research a bit more and see if there are any good deals I can find! I am sure they have a few out there that I can take advantage of....It will give me something to do when I am bored at work with nothing to do. It's amazing how much of doing nothing will zap your energy levels of wanting to do anything. It leaves me a lot of time to get stuff done for everything else, both on corporate taxes, personal taxes for all who request that I complete them for them, reading (I haven't had much time for that recently), writing, editing, and spending time with Friends and Family.

Mr. Frogman needs my attention so I will sign off for now. Have a great night!

Stupid Stories of the Week!

2007-01-05T21:17:00.000-08:00

There have been 2 very stupid stories of the week. I can blame it on the full moon or I am just bored at work and let my mind have some momentary time off. I think my cohort in crime coworker Lady Leah at work had her moment here 2 weeks ago. Mine was more so stupid or they can be compared and both be equally stupid.

During the second day of our power outage at work (it was a Monday). I brought in fresh baked banana bread and real butter for us to enjoy as we sat at work not doing much of anything. As we sat and enjoyed a quiet breakfast, Lady Leah and myself, laughing and joking and spending time that we normally don't get to catch up on things. Finally we were sent home.

Day 2 of the power outage we again sat talking and serving banana bread. As we sat in our heavy coats and teeth chattering I started again to slice the banana bread, I opened the butter and looked, hemmed and hawed a bit and said, "Well, I don't think the butter is going to spread like it did yesterday. It's a bit cold." Lady Leah looked at me and non chalantly commented, "We can wait a bit until the butter reaches room temperature."

I dumbfoundedly looked at her as my teeth chattered and I held a cup of hot cocoa close to keep my hands warm and started to chuckle. I picked up the butter knife, tapped it on the cube of butter, looked at her and said, "Well, Lady Leah I think it is already at room temperature."

She and I started to laugh and her face turned red. She stated that she couldnt believe she had just said that. I couldn't either. We laughed about how she said her brain had gone on vacation a few hours early as she was headed out of town the same day.

We still get a good chuckle out of that now and then.

Today at work I sat bored the second half of my day. As I sat there wondering what to do next, work is light this month. I was a bit concerned I was only answering training questions, I know Lady Leah wasn't feeling well and was having a hard time focusing on remembering all the details of her job. I was a bit concerned when I went to call her I had my head set upside down and was concerned that she would be able to understand me if my headset wasn't the right direction. LOL I don't know what brought that on.

Time to turn the brain on and keep it working....**Sigh** I can't believe that I even had that type of thought. Onto the weekend where my brain can take a real break...

Happy New Year!!

2007-01-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

Ok...Ok I am a few days late. Happy New Year Everyone!!

I made no resolutions this year at all. I have failed in the past so I figure why set myself up for failure. In stead I have set realistic goals for the next year and I am well on my way to accomplishing them. I will have to post my picture of the road of life for you here in the near future. I get many laughs from it and from people who like to think about it I get compliments.

I will have to redraw and scan it in here soon. I am not able to duplicate it like I did the first time. **Sigh** Oh well. I will add it to my blog soon.

Have a great night.

Storm Stories Coming Soon to a Blog Near You!!

2006-12-23T20:41:00.000-08:00

I will have storm stories from the past week for you coming very soon.

We were very priveledged during this last storm to only lose power for an hour and a half before the storm began.

However there was a price to pay for this. My office has been out of power for 6 days. Without power I am unable to do my job. I have unfortunately not been able to work and have been forced to take time off.

I really enjoy the time off and able to spend time with family. The paycheck however will suffer greatly.

The price to pay. Many people complained about not having power at home and how they had to go to work to get warm. I had to leave a warm home to go to a job that was not available.

How backwards is that?

A few more days at home and then back to the work grind again. My office now has power. My "Monday" on Tuesday is going to be drastically busy. Without being able to do any work for a week I have to catch up on all my daily tasks. It will take me about 2 days to get caught up with all the everyday work I still have to do. Even with the holidays we are still very busy.

Enjoy the holidays, time with family and friends! 2006 is an excellent year.

2007 will be even better!!

'Twas...

2006-12-23T20:01:00.000-08:00

Storms, Storms and more storms...

2006-12-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

First it was the snow...then it was the rain....finally it was the wind...

If you are from the Pacific Northwest you will know what the weather has been like. As I previously talked about it taking 7 hours to get home one night. Then the rain storms that came through that dumped a ton of rain in a very short time.

Finally last week it was the windstorms including the downpouring of rain. We had anywhere from 60-90 mph gusts depending on your location. As I stood looking out the kitchen window and watched the window bow under the pressure of the wind thinking, "Is it really safe to be standing here if the window should shatter?"

We lost power for about an hour and a half before any portion of the storm started and havent lost power since. We have been very fortunate.

The downfall to all of us being fortunate is that the workplace life is unfortunate. My office has been without power since Friday of last week. Up to this point in time we do not have power and without power I am completely unable to do my job. No one is sure as to when we will have power restored. We are being told before Friday, I hope so. I have used 1/3 of my vacation time to make up for lost hours this week. **What a challenge**

I get to work at 8am and then by 10:30 am with our teeth chattering they finally send us home, realizing the power isn't going to come on. We are asked to stay close (not sure where the whole area is out of power) or with in cell phone calling distance. If we don't hear from them by noon then to head home for the day. Of course each day we did not hear anything so we headed home by noon. Today it was 9:30 in the morning and we were sent home. I didn't hesitate, I was out the door and on my way home within 10 minutes of the announcement.

Wooohooo!! On my way home to clean the house! Kinda sad when that is my only thought...although the most of the house cleaning is done before the weekend and family coming into town.

Only 1 Day left....Until...

2006-12-19T21:57:00.000-08:00

Mr. Frogman is going to be with his dad through the holidays. Another year getting through with smiles and telling everyone that things are okay when inside they really aren't. The one person I want to actually spend the holidays with won't be there.

It makes for a tough 2 weeks. We will have a heck of a christmas when he gets home. He and I both know this and it will be a sweet homecoming this year.

He leaves tomorrow. **Sigh** We are enjoying one more evening together.

6 Days and Counting!

2006-12-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

Only 6 days and counting. It's a challenge keeping Monkey Dude Jr. in line. He keeps challenging Santa with his behavior...It's constant in the negative. We are trying to keep him on the up and up. We wrote him a Santa warning letter.

It's a wait and see game. I keep telling him that I hope that Santa wasn't looking when he did the things he did.

We are finding out the Monkey Dude Jr. is ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) he loves things in order and in a routine and schedule. Amazingly enough when tht happens we have bliss. Any changes, however, and we get bloody hell. **Sigh** Starting over again with child #2.

They are worth it though.

Mr.Frogmans Thought for the Day...

2006-12-11T22:48:00.000-08:00

You have to keep the train moving forward or it won't continue working...

It's going to take me a bit to decipher what his meaning on this thought is or to find out what good laugh he has in store for me if I can't figure it out. :)

So Many Things So Little Time! (again)

2006-12-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

There are many things happening all at once. Maybe it's self imposed stress, who knows. I am avoiding health issues at this time. I need to wait until after the Holidays when Mr. Frogman is at his dads and I will address it all at that time.

Taxes and business stuff is really weighting things down...Business equipment going down and out of commission when you least expect it.

Arguments with Mr. Frogmans dad. He is autistic and his dad does not believe there is anything wrong with him. A battle with ignorance. So many things so much misunderstanding. Between him and his fiancee having 5 kids between them, and they think there is nothing wrong with Mr. Frogman, as well as their 1st grader who does not know any of his letters or numbers or basic sounds and they keep pushing him onto the next grade. They tellNo me they are frustrated and they fight and push him to learn but he just isn't picking it up. So as I watch their lack of patience and his inability to make connections I am seeing a child being, in my opinion, set up for failure. Even if I stand up and say something it will fall on deaf ears.

Her kids can do no wrong and they don't believe Mr. Frogman should be in special ed. I laughed. Mr. Frogman is mainstreamed in school. He has some school services but not the special ed. If his dad was more involved in his life he would know this. If he were involved in the IEP meetings he would know what it is all about.

Just tonight they again told me I baby him...well, I don't believe a 7 year old needs to be treated like a teen ager or a young adult. I believe kids need to be kids. I know they need to learn independence and over time life skills. But I don't believe a 12 year old should be doing laundry for a family of 7. Maybe a load now and then but not for everyone all the time.

My final frustration of this is that Mr. Frogmans dad tries to punish Mr. Frogman at his dad's for his room being a mess at my house. How fair is that? I finally had to lay down the law tonight. I told his dad for the final time, I am no longer your wife, your girlfriend or anything else to you. If you want to control something control your woman, but you will not decide what will or will not be done in my home. I don't come in and do that to you. I expect the same. If you are unable to keep that separate then you will not be allowed in my home. He tried to explain that he had a right. I told him no the only right he had was to pick up his son every other weekend. He had no right to decide what, when, why, how for our son. That was my responsibility, he gave up most of everything when signing the final documents. Call this my frustration and anger speaking and this is not even the full extent...

Is stupidity a disease???

Cut backs...

2006-12-11T22:07:00.000-08:00

My company like most in the 4th fiscal quarter of the year have been making cut backs since the beginning of the year. Cutting costs and saving where they can. Consolidating branches and resetting areas and job requirements. This is normal when the mortgage industry slows way down and interest rates rise.

Like any company they are looking to keep costs low and customer service and clientele up. There are many aspects to this as many of us know. It's late for me and I have to be up at 4:30am to get Wolfman on the bus. But as my office has gone through the many changes we joke about what is to be cut next.

The company used to purchase paper plates, plastic forks, spoons, knives and paper towels. As I get these notifications from the higher up powers that be, I notify my office accordingly so that no one can complain that I am not doing my job or not ordering the necessary supplies. Most recently they have stopped allowing us to order the paper plates, forks and spoons. I notified everyone via email and of course I received back all of the groans and grumbles via email.

As a joke one of my co-workers responded with the following question:

"When is our drying rack coming in?"

I had to email her back and ask her what the drying rack was for.

She emailed back replying, "To dry our used papertowels for re-use."
I chuckled when I saw the next email from my manager informing us of the following:

"Paper towel drying rack is on back order but should be expected to be put to full use within the next two weeks."

Another co worker proceeded to enlighten us with the next possible cut backs. They were going to make us work by candlelight and mirrors. I laughed at this and explained that mirrors would be too expensive, since we had such a seasoned staff that had so many awards hanging on office walls they would have to use the candle and refracted light making it reflect from medal tag on each award to metal tag to the location they needed light. If they wanted it brighter they would have to put a little more shine on those engraved plates.

If our corporate office knew what kind of thinkers we would have some issues.

Who knows what they will think of next to cut back....

My only serious worry about all of this is that they may cut back jobs. Not that I am concerned about finding work. I am not...But the hassle of looking for another job before I don't have one is not my preference. Yes I am trying to avoid using the dreaded unemployed word...

Especially at this time of year....I don't think they would at this time of year but to save money any company would do what they had to do...**Sigh** not something to think about at this time.

The Day Has Finally Arrived!

2006-12-11T22:03:00.000-08:00

Yes! The day has finally arrived for Mr. Frogman to take off his splint and move to a wrist brace for his arm for another 2-3 weeks. He will get to take it off the week of Christmas. What a great present! To be able to have no hinderance in his day to day happenings. I am very excited for him!

Now he will be able to finally take out the garbage and recycling again as well as help with dishes. No more listening to how difficult it is for him to wash his hair in the shower without help. He gets very embarrassed if Mom even talks about helping him in the shower.

**Sigh** Back to the way things were...Finally....

Happy Birthday Mr. Frogman

2006-12-07T21:06:00.000-08:00

I am a bit late in posting this...

Happy Birthday
Mr. Frogman!!

Mr. Frogmans birthday was on Thanksgiving day. I didn't forget I spent the time with him instead of posting. He reminded me that I hadn't wished him a happy birthday on my blog and it would make him feel special if I did.

So Mr. Frogman Just for you sir...
I love you!!

Should I add lots of hearts and hugs and kisses too?!

Another day of patience....

2006-12-07T19:33:00.000-08:00

Three weeks ago Mr. Frogman fractured his left arm at a Boy Scout camp out. He came home telling me it was sprained. He had it checked out by a fire fighter. Okay, I thought if it still hurt in a day or two we would make a doctors appointment and have it checked.

He wasn't home from the camp out 2 hours when, while I was working in the yard, he walked out very angrily. He came up to me and stood on one of the large landscaping rocks that embodied one of the beds around a tree in the yard. As he dramatically and emotionally explained to me that Monkey Dude Jr had tackled him and knocked him down to the hard floor where he landed on his arm yet again and telling me how badly it hurt. As he was animatedly trying to tell me his arm motions caused him to lose his balance and fall head over heels onto the ground literally doing a summer sault and then landing face first in the grass.

As he stood up I couldn't help but laugh at the entire front of his body covered in freshly cut grass, leaves and dirt. Mr. Frogman is not a small child. He stands about 5'6" if not a bit taller for a now 12 year old. I couldn't hold back the laugh since I wasn't sure if he was spitting out leaves and dirt (he wasn't actually), he was making a disgusted face and brushing himself off amazingly even angrier. It probably didn't help that mom was laughing. I know laughing wasn't the right thing but it stopped the potential down fall of emotions that would have quickly followed.

Since he had yet again hurt his arm I had to take appropriate action, we iced it down again and of course wrapped it up so that he could keep it still. The next morning he informed me that he needed to go and see the doctor. I was certain his wrist was sprained. He kept telling me that it was broken. I went to work and scheduled a doctors appointment only to be told I would have to take him to get x-rays since our doctors office doesn't have an x-ray machine. Off we went to get x-rays. Scheduled a second appointment with the doctors office to go over the x-rays.

We got into the Dr.'s office at 5:00pm and waited and waited. 2 hours in I asked when we were going to be seen. They informed me that the late evening appointments were on a time basis they would fit us in. I was frustrated by this time having waited this long and having 2 boys becoming more and more rambunctious. I was under the impression that we had a scheduled appointment time. The boys hadn't had dinner and were getting very wiggly. Even our wiggle activities weren't working these boys were ready to run. I finally had to have Wolfman come and get Monkey Dude Jr and pick up some dinner. This brought some relief to the situation. With Monkey Dude Jr gone. Mr. Frogman and I sat down to wait a bit longer to find out the results of the x-rays.

Lo and behold not 5 minutes later we were led into a room to talk to the doctor. The doctor came in and tried to lighten the blow. After Mr. Frogman recounted his story 2-3 times again they finally came out and told me that he had again fractured his arm on the growth plate yet again. So there we sat again joking about it until the doctor walked in again to set his arm in a splint. She looked at me with a glare over Mr. Frogmans head after he was seated in a chair. I truly didn't care. Mr. Frogman was starting to get agitated as it bothered him that he had to be in a splint for 4-6 weeks.

The doctor walked out and asked me to join her in the hall way before she wrapped his arm. She was upset because she didn't feel that I was taking this seriously. I looked at her and suddenly the smile left my face. I looked at her and made it very clear that I took this very seriously. I understood the severity of what was going on. My one statement that shook her was that, "Obviously you know nothing of children with Aspergers and my son. You haven't read his file eigther or you would know that I have to keep him distracted since you didn't read his file. He gets perturbed and agitated under flourescent lighting. You have had him cooped up in 2 different rooms for almost an hour with only flourescent lighting. I have to keep him distracted with humor, since it's easy to make him smile and laugh, or he will start to panic and get angry. Which would you prefer? To wrap an arm of a child smiling or laughing? or to wrap an arm of a child who can't sit still for you? Now you have a choice, you can wrap his arm with our humor and ways of keeping him calm or I can leave you with him in a very serious tone and have you deal with a child who will soon be agitated." The doctor looked at me and then told me she would rather have the humor. I walked back into the room with my son and smiled and asked if he was ready...He asked me, "ready for what?" I looked at him and said they needed him in a body cast and we were going to leave his feet and arm pits exposed. He asked me why. I told him so we could tickle him anytime we wanted and he wouls have to live with it. "Awe Mom, they would never do that," he giggled. "Okay lets get this over with, let's get it wrapped up." He really regretted those words when the doctor told him he had to keep the splint on for 4-6 weeks.

Today Mr. Frogman is counting down the days until the day he can take the splint off and only wear a wrist brace. Tonight before bed he announced only 3 more days left to take this stinking splint off. I am not sure if he was being literal or if he was calling the splint stinking out of spite.

Only a few more days...

Happy Thanksgiving 2006!

2006-11-25T22:19:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving, a time to enjoy family and friends. Talk about a good day. Nothing like taking a half of a day off of work to make all the desserts for family. I cook desserts each year for my family. Everyone brings something. I bring many things. This year I cooked but yet I cheated a bit as well. I make all the pumpkin pies for my family, plus many other desserts. Ok I said that many times.

I made 6 pumpkin pies, bought one huge "death by chocolate" chocolate cake from Costco, and made tons of cookies. Ok so I cheated there a bit this year too...

I bought Otis Spunkmeyer cookie dough and Wolfman did a great job baking them up this year since he had the patience to deal with an oven that wasn't working. I managed to bake pumpkin pies in the oven since you really can't mess them up unless you burn them.

I had planned for about 30 and we had several people no show this year. Without any kids for the holiday it made it only the adults. Mr. Frogman spent the holiday with his dad and returns on the Sunday following. Monkey Dude Junior spent the holiday weekend with his great grandparents in Portland. Leaving Little Sister, Wolfman and myself home with no one to take care of but ourselves. I finally got to get some sleep!! Some much needed long awaited only one night of 8 hours of continuous uninterrupted Sleep!

Thanksgiving consisted of all of my siblings, my grandmother, Wolfman and Little Sister, Sight See'r joined us this year as well. It was a small gathering but a good one.

Good Food, Good Company...It was all good!

Update Read All About It!

2006-11-25T22:11:00.000-08:00

Mr. Frogman Survives!

He makes it out of the permeated, stench filled air with very little air left in his lungs and only a matter of seconds before he passes out from Wolfmans lack of ability or want to hold his natural gas. He felt Mr. Frogman deserved the punishment after all the times he has had to endure the joking and smells of the gasses that Mr. Frogman lets out on a whim.

Although it was a close call, Mr. Frogman and Wolfman are learning how to work out their differences without using violent or extreme measures. Our house is continuously filled with laughter and many times different fumes of gas depending on the nature of the event and what was served for dinner.

Since the Last Time...

2006-11-05T20:11:00.000-08:00

Mr. Frogman came back from his overnight at Boy Scout Camp this weekend. He and Wolfman had a good time going up there doing the guy thing.

We had an unusually great day. No fights between the kids a great dinner time. After dinner Mr. Frogman decided to regale the whole group in our home with the following tale:

"It was a dark and stormy night. The rain patted steadily against the roof and windows. The wind blew the branches against the house causing noises. The shutters crashed back and forth (we don't have shutters). The lightening flashed.

As Mr. Frogman laid in bed he could hear the the door slowly creak open. Soft footsteps stepped acorss the carpeted floor. The fort curtains parted, RRRRIIIIIPPPP!!!

Wolfman comes in and rips a good one! Then runs like crazy leaving Mr. Frogman in the bed to attempt to hold his breathe long enough to get out of the room and away from the smell that will soon permeate and cause him to pass out. Does he make it? Stay tuned!!"

Can you imagine how much laughter ensued in our house after this? They are still laughing reading this over and over....

Have a great night!

The Start of a New Challenge!!

2006-11-04T21:06:00.000-08:00

That time of year has come around again for me to go into the meetings with the school and set up Mr. Frogmans IEP for the up and coming year that will lead him into Junior High or Middle School as some would refer to it.

I got a good taste of others opinions on how to "treat" autism. It has been recommended to me to start Mr. Frogman on medication the reasoning being "My child responds real well to that." To what being doped up to conform to what society wants???

To hell with that. My child will be raised to have the best in life for him. NOT for what society wants. It leaves me angry that others, who have never met my child, "think" they know what is best for him.

Let me step back a moment as just the thought of a few of the conversations I had still make me angry. It is either ignorance or incompetence or alot of both.

I have researched autism, and the possible leads to "cures". Which in my opinion there is no cure. I have found in our home that we are not searching for a cure, we are searching to ensure our quality of life is positive and making Mr. Frogman more independent in his own life by providing him with the tools necessary at his own pace to make him a unique and independent individual.

Stepping back further. I recently went in to have the annual IEP meeting at his school. Mr. Frogman has anger issues. Not anger management and he doesn't lash out. When he goes over a situation that has made him angry a week later or a month or even in a case or two a year later he gets almost as upset as the day it happened. His hands ball into fists, his voice gets mean, his jaw clenches and he is internally angry. When we discuss it out he is fine and things are back to his regular business. If he were to tell the story again he again becomes angry with fists clenching and so on.

I am searching for resources to help him, social groups, play groups, even a child psychologist as someone to talk to to get his frustration out and help him let the anger go. Techniques that just aren't working for mom. As I started to make a few phone calls and research places that offer services to children with autism for anger and contacting the references they gave me or other parents to talk to in a support group, I found the world I didn't want to be involved in. Maybe I know now where Mr. Frogman gets it and it's not just him who needs to let go of the anger.

Incompetence and ignorance irritate me to no end. People who can't open their mind to even listen annoy me, usually this is only when they are one sided I don't bother taking the time to explain or give an opinion as by that point they are not worth the time.

The one thing that truly amazes me is the fact that, in my opinion there is a very special child in their life and they have them so drugged up they don't even know they exist. I know I am probably wrong here but that is the impression after speaking with 3 families in this program that has now got me so turned off that I don't want to have anything to do with it.

I posted on my support groups web site today and of course received what is in my opinion some wonderful feedback even from the parents that have taken a different course of working with their child and handling autism.

Ok so mom needs to let go of the anger a bit too. I have been dealing with his autism since he was diagnosed 6 years ago. I knew something was askew when he was an infant but no one would test him until he was 5. I knew I didn't have the perfect child and when diagnosed already had instinctively taken steps to keep things steady in his world. We didn't have to change much in our lives after his diagnosis but what we did have to change made a huge difference to the positive in our life.

The goals he faces and accomplishes after mainstream school are minor. Most parents of an 11 or 12 year old don't even think about this most of the time. Mr. Frogman has an issue with going to the bathroom. Not with actually going but using too much toilet paper, but then what kid didn't? Well, Mr. Frogman when he goes....he goes...so I have taught him when he is going to flush the toilet a time or two or three to ensure the toilet doesn't plug. Even after using paper.

Now he is headed into Junior High or Middle School depending on how it is referred to in your district. I have had to work at home and with his team at school on independence, responsibility, accountability and the bathroom issue. Which is what we have been working on for quite some time but really focusing on the final pieces now.

How quickly the emotions change from thinking of ignorance and stupidity to Mr. Frogman and how far he has come in the past few years. The joy he brings to everything around me and how much joy everything he does brings joy to him. How much each day I leave work in the thought that I am headed home to be with him and find out how his day was. To pester him about homework and have our quality time.

**Sigh** The huge joys of life.

Good Monday Morning!

2006-10-23T06:06:00.000-07:00

Okay after a good yet short nights sleep I am up and ready. Only an hour to go and the work day commute begins. Time to get the kids up and running and making sure everyone is ready to wake up this morning.

I know I didn't want to get up and out of bed this morning. After a very long soak in the hot tub and watching the raccoons pillage through the yard for worms it was quite interesting. I was watching this animal not 10 feet from where I was sitting in the hot tub that was bigger than my last cat. Dog gone those animals get big!

I know we have wildlife here where we are from mice (not a preference of mine) to racoons, opossum, and an occassional coyote. I am sure when they start building houses in the large brush area across the street that we will have more critters come through but we will see what happens.

Okay on to start my day. Hopefully it won't be as long as some of the ones I have had recently. Wish me luck on no more overtime!!

Have a great day!!

Long Time Coming....

2006-10-22T21:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I last posted. My birthday to be exact. 3 weeks ago today. So many long hours at work. I had to give my manager an ultimatum. Hire someone or lose your final person. It takes 4 people to do what I do at work. I have been putting in 60+ hours at work per week for the last 8-12 weeks. I took time for Mr. Frogman and was at every Cross Country Meet. I was there for most Boy Scout Meetings. I became the committee chair for MonkeyDude Jr's cub scout pack, recruitment chair for Mr. Frogmans Troop. (Yes, there is a difference. Boy Scouts are Troops, Cub Scouts are packs). It is amazing the terminology difference. It's definitely an education.

I received recently top honor awards at work. Yes the overtime checks are fantastic and can be used at this time. But when you think about it, what does it really mean? Within the company you have a piece of paper that says you achieved more than the next person. When you leave the company what does it mean? Absolutely Nothing! The popular saying you hear is, "You never see a gravestone that says, I should have spent more time at work." As much as I can use the money as I am sure anyone can I don't need it. I don't need the loss of sleep. I don't need the stress. I don't need to lose any more time with Mr. Frogman.

When I approached my manager he looked at me and made a few comments and then went back to work. 3 days later a job offer was made to a part time assistant for my position. The down side is that she needed to give 2 weeks notice. I had 2 weeks left to work. She starts tomorrow!! After this week there is no more overtime. No more long hours. Cross Country for Mr. Frogman is now over so it is one more day I don't have to try to rearrange schedules and work split shifts. Although, no matter what happens I would bend over backwards to make sure he got to where he needed to go and do the things we have committed to.

The old 8-5 shift is something I am greatly looking forward to. Wish me luck in actually getting to it.

Miss Kasey's World

Not enough time...

Thankful....

Laugh, Love, Live....

Funny of the Day....

It has been...

Thought I would be more excited....

What a Small World.....

Procrastination....

Angry, Crazy and then to add insult to injury.....

Happy Birthday My Friend!

Update....Copied from My Journey Blog....

Weigh Ins!!

So Many Things Have Happened....Let Me Tell You....

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Right Hand....Left Hand....

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Rough Day...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Follow Up

Sunday, May 10, 2009

As of 05/08/09

Angiogram Results...

The Journey Began....

Sitting, Waiting, Wondering.....

Life has become absolutely crazy....

Finally!! Feeling so much better....

Not Up....Not Down...Somewhere Between...

Attempting to Get Healthy Be Back Soon!

Hmmmmmm....Have to find something.....

Lazy Sunday...

Squid Fishing!

Humorous but not so Humorous....

Poe Kitten! Leo Kitten!

New Full Time Employee....It's Now Official

Christmas Passed....

The Holidays!!

Just Another Day in the Life...

Current Housing Economics....Friend of Foe

Catch Up Posting!

Life and 3's....

New Job, New Schedule...

Summer is Here!!

The End is Near....

Almost to the End...

Another Day Another Class....

**UPDATE**

If not one thing...then it's another....

Winter 2008 Quarter is over...

Only one more week...Four More Days

The Countdown to the end of Winter Quarter is on....

College Classes...

Way Too Early

Vacation Times Again

Halfway Point...

Angels

Would You Believe???

Posted! They are now posted!

The Countdown to Christmas is On...

Cinderella

One Quarter down....Five to go!!

Time Flies...

Almost Thanksgiving and I am just posting...

1st Day of School

Tenderfoot...

Junior High....

Summer....The Busy Season

The Dreaded Phone Call

How did your day start?

Love Sick...

He's Graduated!!

Underestimated...

New BBQ Grill...

Busy, busy, busy...

Road of Life

It works...Can you believe it???

Testing...1.2.3

When this becomes the "Buzz" of the office....

Song Stuck In My Head...

Egads!! Its Been...

UPDATE

Update Read All About It!